Thursday, May 5, 2011

Rant Reviews-War Of The Green Lanterns Part Four-Six AKA Here We Go Again With The Mocking

Here we go again, more Green Lantern comics, and more of me feeling like being an extra bit of a wise-ass toward them. This time its parts four through six of the War of the Green Lanterns spread out as always over three different series, with three different individuals writing it, because hey, why not muddy the waters even more?

Green Lantern #65
After the icicle incident in part three of this event (Emerald Warriors #8) was it really wise to "insert" a joke about Hal Jordan being poked by something of Guy Gardner's while they were jammed into an escape pod? I'm just saying, maybe you don't want to encourage your readers to think that Green Lantern is nothing more than a book to force in as much homoerotic undertones as possible, but that's just me. Oh, they also fly a fast space-ship and meet up with the other Green Lantern guys before realizing they have to pick some differently-colored rings because those green ones are tainted with an evil energy blah, blah, blah, DC just wants to draw more people in new cool looking costumes created due to wearing different rings. It looks good enough and Geoff Johns isn't a terrible writer, we'll say this is above average because at least those space-ship action scenes are kind of neat in a way that appeals to my inner-child who likes big explosions. Then again my inner-child also is scared that girls have cooties, so he's a bit of a dullard.
3 out of 5 stars.

Green Lantern Corps #58
Everyone has said it and I will too, God-damn John Stewart's outfit is ugly. I mean, DC has already been in hot water for seeming to have a fetish for killing their minority characters so now one of the few ones they aren't going to slaughter they have to dress in a hideous pseudo-military indigo-outfit while the white guys get snazzy get-ups? I call shenanigans, or I would if I really cared that much, but the real insult is that this issue pretty much consists of the guys just flying around trying to get the hand of their new rings. Yup, it’s a bunch of, "Hey, this isn't like my green ring!" chatter. Well, no kidding, it’s a different colored ring, you don't get in a semi-truck and expect it to handle like car, they both have wheels but are otherwise quite different. Oh, we also see more of the little blue guardian Ganthet, and yet again yellow blood seeps out of every orifice we can see. The writers of Green Lantern have a serious thing for showing yellow blood pouring out of blue people. I wonder if there will be a special one shot dedicated to the blue guardians being beat up and bleeding. Sound crazy? Keep in mind this is the same company that published that Titans comic with the woman who had the volcano vagina, is it that far-fetched to think they'll have a comic dedicated to punching tiny blue-folk? Anyways, kind of weak.
2 out of 5 stars.

Green Lantern: Emerald Warriors #9

The guys break into where green rings are made, speak some cryptic stuff about the first Green Lantern who was hinted at a bit ago, and argue about what they should be doing after running away from the huge planet Mogo who has turned evil too. I actually kind of love the idea of an evil planet, sort of like it Marvel's character Ego were a huge jerk. Just imagine, you're in a spaceship cruising along and all of the sudden this big planet cruises up in front of you and won't move because it wants to insult you with worn-out "your momma" jokes. That is awesome and kind of stupid. Anyways, John Stewart still looks stupid in his outfit and can't figure out how to teleport, Guy Gardner has to do that gross thing Red Lanterns do where they vomit up boiling blood, and this issue otherwise has a bunch of lame stuff and some cool stuff that balances it out to being pretty much completely average. Don't you just love math, because I don't, it was my worst subject in school.
2.5 out of 5 stars.

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