What is this, "Substack," Comic Creators Are Talking About?

If you like to follow specific comic creators you may have heard about more and more doing something called, "Substack." Scott Snyder revealed he signed a lucrative deal with them, James Tynion IV just announced he'll be leaving his work on titles such as, "Batman," to focus on creator-owned works for various publishers and Substack. Jonathan Hickman is involved. What is Substack, though?

Substack is basically a paid newsletter. It can have essays, articles, and whatever else along with comics. When it first emerged on the scene the focus was as a way for journalists to earn money for their hard work creating informative content, but then Nick Spencer spearheaded a new initiative. He came to Substack with an idea where comic creators will make comics for subscribers and these creators will be paid by Substack while keeping ownership of their work. Creators get a bunch of subscription revenue, Substack takes a small cut, and followers of creators they like get a steady stream of quality comics delivered to their inbox. As Comicsbeat details, there is a mixture of excitement and dread from all this.

An upcoming comic on Substack.

If you like digital comics this is interesting. If you prefer physical comics, it maybe doesn't appeal as much. Should you be a huge fan of a certain creator who is moving towards Substack you might feel tempted to subscribe. This could be the next huge thing or it could implode horrifically. One thing I and others have noticed is that this is mainly people known for writing comics now making the newsletters. They will have various popular artists working on titles with them and those artists will have ownership of the comics, but the, "Name," attracting subscribers is a comic-book writer. One exception to this is Molly Ostertag, but a lot of the folks are primarily writers (yes, Hickman drew some of his earliest work, but he hasn't illustrated many things beyond his interesting infographics for some time).

So, there you go. Substack is a paid newsletter service that has attracted some popular comic-makers with some juicy deals. Now we wait and see if the subscribers will be there to justify all this.

Tales From The Dollar Bin: Secret Empire #1

There are comics which are worth incredible sums of money, but so many of the most interesting, tragic, or just downright weird can be found for a simple dollar or less in a  store's "dollar bin". There, comics that never gained much popularity can be found alongside those that sold so much as for a copy to be worthless. "Tales From the Dollar Bin" aims to explore these comics, be they a single issue or an entire run of a series. From the great to the miserable, some of the best treasures and worst nightmares can be found in those infamous boxes. Let's have a "tale" now...

Secret Empire #1 AKA One Huge Disaster of an Event

Oh God, this was even more of a mess than I had heard and imagined. You see, I didn't read, "Secret Empire," because when it was revealed that Captain America was somehow a Nazi/member of Hyrda all along thanks to some fiddling with the Cosmic Cube I thought that was absurd. Then, when I heard he was going to somehow be taking over America and putting it under Hydra's reign that just sounded stupid for something supposedly in the normal Marvel Continuity. Maybe as an alternate-world tale, but a fascist dictator taking over our nation via apparently tricking all the other heroes, then rounding-up anyone else with powers, and shutting-down any dissent in the Marvel Universe which is supposed to be like the world out our window? That's just idiotic--and don't make jokes about how its like Trump being in power, he's a terrible President but as far as I know he isn't a Nazi. Also, he surely isn't able to keep us under a strict and violent rule, he can't even keep news about him boinking porn stars out of the media.

I didn't read any of the lead-up so I was extra confused as, "Secret Empire #1," reads like the second or third chapter of a story, with Hydra-Cap in power and being all cliche and evil. I suppose part of the reason for that is there apparently was a #0 issue and other lead-in stories. God help me though, I can't imagine reading anything else related to this steaming pile of crap. I mean, even if the whole concept is wretched if writer Nick Spencer had at least told the story in an interesting way I could muddle through this. Instead its just a bland mish-mash of, "Some heroes are rebelling, Captain America is doing evil stuff, here are some quick references to other characters getting their own tie-in comics!"

Captain America is sad he has to kill his friend he betrayed.
Poor guy?

The most notable thing in this issue besides the general idiocy of a Nazi Captain America running our nation is that Las Vegas is apparently destroyed at the end by Hydra-Cap because the city has been known for aiding some of the rebels...so because a few hundreds of residents help rebels he kills millions mainly so the comic can make it clear--"This Captain America is so bad y'all!" Also, he murders longtime sidekick and friend Rick Jones but looks sad about it so we should apparently pity him even though he's become a Nazi/Hydra evil dictator--as if the comic can't fully commit to making Captain America completely laughable evil and tries to act like he still has a bit of humanity. He revealed he was a Nazi and has taken over America by force, I'm not going to go, "Awww, he's all sullen and wonders if maybe he's doing the wrong thing, poor Cap!"

I mean, it really just says something that such a recent event was in a dollar bin along with all the other issues that I passed on picking-up as I knew reading the first issue would be more than enough for me. The first issue of an event like, "Civil War," sells for above cover-price, and even if that Millar-scribed series had flaws, at least it was entertaining. This is just atrocious and I feel bad for anyone who picked, "Secret Empire," for full price as at a dollar I still feel like I threw away my money. It is such a waste of time I wish I could get the 15 minutes it took me to read it refunded so I can spend those moments on a better comic.

Fluoride and Chemtrails are seriously discussed as plots to keep people mind-controlled.
Also, note the quick mention of mutants as if it's saying, "Read their book for this event too!"

Marvel has since moved on from this and appear eager to bury any memory of, "Secret Empire," with the big news now being popular writer Ta-Nehisi Coates is going to be taking over writing a non-brainwashed Captain America  from Mark Waid (who had the thankless job of trying to rehab the character a bit after Nick Spencer ruined Cap) for what will most likely be a very-promoted run. That is something I would actually like to read, unlike this miserable...tale from the dollar bin!

Birthday-Week Links!

Take a Deep Breath...

It's my birthday this week (at the end on Saturday the 27th) so how about we celebrate with some random links that I found interesting?

...And Blow (The Candles, You Perverts)

The movie studio A24 sounds like a cool place full of neat folk, and this article discussing its wild and twisty history makes a great read

That Nine-Panel Design, tho. Seriously though, it is a fascinating format that impacted, "Watchmen," greatly and imagine will see usage in, "Doomsday Clock." Plus, Tom King and his collaborators always use it well, such as with, "Omega Men," and it should be snazzy when utilized in his upcoming Mister Miracle-focused maxi-series.

As I said in a previous post, Shepard Smith is probably the one and only person I trust at Fox News to report facts. He also seems like just a genuinely nice and honest guy, as articles like this, where he discusses being openly gay at an outlet like Fox News, illustrate.

I am someone who has had a baby recently (our little Clarkson), therefore this article about how to balance things like playing video-games with your newborn really speaks to me. Some tips are obvious, but it makes some solid points. Heck, you could replace, "Playing video-games," with nearly any hobby and much of the advice still would be solid.

Depending on whom you ask, the Ultimate Universe that once existed at Marvel either has just a few remaining elements, or arguably still exists and could theoretically be brought-back at any time. Okay?

It has many ups and downs but I am as much of a fan of Saturday Night Live as I am fascinated by it in general. Reading about how it has handled the political shit-show that is the the Trump Presidency is illuminating.

I read The Guardian on the internet sometimes (the above story about video-games and babies is by them actually) and they have pointed-out on their site at times how they don't put their articles behind an annoying paywall. After mentioning this I've observed the site in a polite manner asking if readers such as myself would contribute to assist them in continuing this practice. I find their laid-back and friendly way of asking refreshing and therefore have given funds and encourage you to do so as well at this link.

Reading these thoughts discussing how the messaging Marvel has done about ,"Secret Empire," at this point almost matters more than the comic itself says basically what I've been thinking.

This safe-for-work article about the most infamous pool in Japan made me laugh. Why is it infamous, you may ask? Well, it is often used as a set in a ton of Japanese pornography!

Is Nick Spencer actually kind of a dick?

I've enjoyed some of his comics but lately Nick Spencer is seeming kind of like a jerk, and apparently his past behavior before he got into comics kind-of solidifies my theory that maybe despite making some great books (and terrible ones like the earlier-discussed, "Secret Empire," series) Nick Spencer might actually be a bit of an asshole using offensive imagery in a tone-deaf manner.

Valve and their Steam service gets a lot of love from many people, but I admire this opinion piece  by Tim Colwill calling them out as acting really evil and mercenary in a variety of ways despite being thought of as, "Good Guy Valve," and a beloved company as opposed to, "Evil corporations," such as EA that have done many of the same  questionable things that Valve actually does.

Lastly, with all the extra-attention, "Watchmen," is getting with its further incorporation into the DC Universe how about we enjoy a short essay on the importance of Doctor Manhattan's penis (no, seriously). This simple organ arguably carries with it a lot of symbolism and meaning within, "Watchmen," believe it or not.

Now Cake!

Love those fails!

It is now time for me to get ready to eat cake later this week, kick-back, and otherwise celebrate!

Marvel's "Secret Empire" Doesn't Interest Me. Like, At All.

I saw the announcements about it, and all I could do was shrug. Marvel is doing another event--which is fine, they've done some good ones--but this just seems dull. Dubbed, "Secret Empire," I commented on the website run by my chums, "Comics Heating Up," about this, saying:

I’ve seen online a lot of talk about how this book is supposedly a political allegory–with the funny thing being people both left-wing and right-wing have claimed it proves their points. Any clever political allegories aside, I haven’t actually seen anyone excited for this event ITSELF, just people saying how, “Captain America is secretly a Hydra agent now,” is either ingenious or horrifically stupid. I myself think it was an odd thing to do–even with the excuse of it being a cosmic cube–and frankly haven’t read any solo-comics featuring Captain America since Ed Brubaker’s time on the book. This is my long-winded way of asking, is anyone actually interested in the event, or just how it proves their political point (with again, the irony being I’ve seen liberal and conservative people saying it is for or against them).

So yeah, is anyone excited for this? It is funny, because I love some of Nick Spencer's writing, ("The Fix," is stellar) but his, "Captain America," sounds like it has been one hot mess. Also, apparently even though it theoretically has generated headlines and sales, after this politically-charged, "Secret Empire," it seems Marvel may try and go back to a more, "Meat and Potatoes," strategy of shifting far away from politics, political allegories, etc. Whether this is because they don't want to alienate too many fans by appearing too liberal/conservative or if the the vaguely-crazy-yet-slightly-plausible theories are true about how Marvel CEO and former recluse Ike Pearlmutter doesn't want to do anything too edgy to upset his good chum President Trump, things will be getting less politicky (if that's a word). I dunno, I'm just going to keep reading the awesome Marvel comics that thankfully seem to be avoiding most events and hopefully don't get cancelled anytime soon, e.g. stuff like, "Moon Knight," "Unbeatable Squirrel Girl," and so forth.

Best Ongoing Series--2016 in Review

The Best Ongoing Titles

I started with the best cancelled comics this year, so why not move on to ones that for now seem to have no end in sight? I mean, ongoing comic titles of course can't  run forever (in theory they can, but yeah). That said, these comics are continuing for now, and I'm pleased about that because this trio of titles all provide immense entertainment! In no particular order I present my three favorite ongoing titles of 2016....

The Fix

Yes, Nick Spencer has basically been having a public rage-filled meltdown on Twitter ever since his beloved candidate Hillary Clinton lost (and I'm horribly depressed too, but Spencer takes it to a new level), but that doesn't change the fact that occasional-misfires aside, this man can write. He and Steve Lieber have created amazing stuff before (see the cancelled, "Superior Foes of Spider-Man" for proof of that) and, "The Fix," without a doubt impresses. A darkly hilarious story about two corrupt and awful--yet still somehow sympathetic--cops who get embroiled in drug trafficking, celebrity murders, and fiasco after fiasco when all they want is the simpler things in life--being rich and famous. It feels like this comic has been delayed off-and-on, but when the result is something this funny and gorgeously-drawn, I can excuse some occasional tardiness.

Deathstroke

I don't think it can be said enough times that Christopher Priest deserves a lot more respect, credit, and love from comic fans and the comic-book industry. On the scene for decades before basically quitting to do other work, Priest hadn't really been doing much with comics lately (occasional little thing here-or-there aside) and then DC came calling. As the story goes at first they offered him the chance to write Cyborg and he said, "No," because he was sick of being a creator who seemed to only be offered black characters (Priest is black). Then DC said, "How about Deathstroke?" and once he learned  Deathstroke wasn't black, he was interested. The result since then has been pure awesomesauce. Priest has taken a character I will happily tell you I never cared about and given us issue-after-issue of action, humor, drama, and the kind character-development I didn't even think Deathstroke was capable of but someone as skilled as Priest was able to deliver. Priest is one of those creators who shines on basically any property he is assigned. Whatever series that could have lured him back into working on ongoing comics was bound to great, and his stellar work upon, "Deathstroke," is proof of that.

Moon Knight

Jeff Lemire's take on, "Moon Knight," took a little bit to really get rolling, but around issue 5 it just started firing on all cylinders. Arguably one of the coolest aspects of the comic lately has been how depending on what personality/mindset/reality we are seeing for Marc Spector the artwork of the comic will change. You've got different (highly skilled) art-talents providing illustrations for as Marc handles all these different parts of him fighting for control of his conscious. Whether he's fighting werewolves on the Moon, directing a movie about Moon Knight as Steven Grant, driving as Taxi as Jake Lockley, or trying to get a grip on all these pieces of his psyche as his base-self. It has been a wild ride up through issue #9 and things don't look to be slowing down much, even if the jumping-around of art-styles maybe has concluded for a bit with the main artist earlier on--Greg Smallwood--retaking the reigns for the book. Between masterful illustration and stellar writing from Lemire, this is a good time to be an obsessive fan of Moon Knight like your's truly.

More Magic in 2017?

The question of course now is if these books can continue creating magic as we enter into 2017. I sure hope they continue to impress as much as they have and look forward to more and more stellar issues!

A Lot of Talk About Captain America Lately AKA Hydra, #Givecaptainamericaaboyfriend, and Platonic Love

Wait, WHAT?

There has been a lot of talk about the Steve Rogers version of Captain America lately. Nick Spencer, is a writer whose work I find to either be incredibly good or inexplicably God-awful (I talked about this long ago, actually, before Spencer absolutely killed it on, "Superior Foes of Spider-Man,") with little variation between. Apparently because people on the internet are dicks, Spencer has been getting death-threats for simply doing a new story about Captain America where it is revealed he is somehow a deep-cover Hydra Agent.

Putting aside how that basically makes little-to-no sense with the history of the character, and that I figure there is some other twist coming revealing how this is a clone/he's still a good-guy triple-agent or something, it is a moderately interesting (and extremely silly) idea. I mean, this gets press attention and makes people freak-out, but the kind of freaking-out where they go and buy the book to learn more, so kudos to Marvel for all the money they'll make off of this.

The other thing involving Steve that has set the internet ablaze is the idea that people want him to have a boyfriend for...some reason? Known on twitter as #Givecaptainamericaaboyfriend, I honestly am all for our comic characters being whatever sexual orientation their creators want, but I don't see the point in making Captain America gay or bisexual for any reason other than media attention or fan-fiction. The comics have never had a gay subtext, the character has always expressed interest in women, and it just seems forced.

I mean, these are fictional characters, so we can really do whatever we want with them, but even fiction needs to have logic. The reveal of Iceman being gay has some history and clarity to it and makes more sense than just going, "Hey, let's give Steve Rogers a boyfriend!" I mean, you could always introduce a gay Steve Rogers from another reality, or if you do a re-boot make Steve Rogers gay, but as it stands now with the character we currently have within the comics, it just would appear to be a purely cynical move to, "Break the internet," so-to-speak.

Plus, one thing that bugs me about the idea of #Givecaptainamericaaboyfriend is that it often involves Steve Rogers and his best friend Bucky/The Winter Soldier. I feel that by making them a gay couple it furthers the stereotype that two heterosexual men can't just be really close friends without a sexual aspect. The media often shows straight women who are very close friends, but as soon as two men express a great degree of care or fondness for each other it is considered, "Gay." By letting Steve Rogers and Bucky simply be two straight men who love each other in a platonic way that actually is more progressive than just going and stating, "They're gay now!"

That basically has been what kind of week we've had in regards to Captain America. There has been controversy over the idea of Steve Rogers being a terrorist, people protesting for and against the idea of him having a boyfriend (in the form of Bucky) and meanwhile DC is going, "Hey, you know we're doing another huge re-launch right? Please pay attention to us!" What cracks me up about all this is that if somehow Marvel were to give Steve Rogers a boyfriend I personally feel it shouldn't be Bucky. No, it should be someone he met after thawing-out of the ice who helped him acclimate to the new world. Someone who has different interests but still enjoys Steve's company. A person whom Steve has had many arguments with but in the end still considers a best friend and shares a close currently-platonic love with...

Yeah, if anything Captain America's boyfriend should be Tony Stark/Iron Man. That's just my thought though.

Some Comic Debuts of Interest Part 1--Rant Reviews!

Some Fresh Comics
I just recently had a post discussing how I don't just talk about the brand-new comics. That said, let's talk about some series that have debuted, because I am nothing if not inconsistent (try and figure out that triple negative)!

The New Stuff
Black Panther #1
This comic has been hyped so much by Marvel it is hard to separate the excitement and expectations people may have from the comic itself. As for the actual comic? It is a perfectly good first issue by Ta-Nehisi Coates, someone new to writing comics but not at all new to writing in general. Brian Stelfreeze is of course a tremendous artist so the book isn't slacking in the department of gorgeous visuals. Still, Coates is clearly setting a lot of ground-work in this issue for a story about people plotting to otherthrow the Black Panther's rule of his kingdom, and as the story proceeds I bet a lot of the story-seeds being planted will bloom wonderfully. As it is now though, this is just--as I said--a perfectly good first issue story-wise that is amazing art-wise. I'll be eagerly following this to see where it goes.
3 out of 5 stars.

Circuit Breaker #1
Speaking of comics that boast people with amazing drawing-talent, "Circuit Breaker," has the awesome Kyle Baker providing some incredible artwork. Sadly, the plot of the comic itself is an utter mess that isn't sure if it is going for funny, serious, thoughtful, or really any semblance of logic. Kevin McCarthy has an amazing collaborator in the form of Baker and its a shame the awesome robots that get drawn don't have a better story to compliment them. If you pick this up, don't bother reading the word balloons, just ogle the impressive illustrations.
1.5 out of 5 stars--Plot and Story
5 out of 5 stars--Artwork

Empress #1
Well, besides the fantastic art by Stuart Immomen this is a wholly unremarkable comic. Much like the just-reviewed, "Circuit-Breaker," this comic has writer Mark Millar giving us a relatively straightforward take on a Queen escaping from her drunk-with-power husband. The whole issue is her and the kids escaping, along with a brief look at the past when she first fell in love. It feels really decompressed, like if this were a two-hour movie we would have just seen maybe the first five minutes. Millar has a lot of hits and misses, and whether the comic shows more depth or just sucks as the issues proceed it'll probably bring him some more millions of dollar once it gets optioned for a movie regardless of its quality. This was a book that could be easily passed-over by a reader looking for something better though.
2 out of 5 stars.

The Fix #1
Damn, do Nick Spencer and Steve Lieber make a great team or what? "The Superior Foes of Spider-Man," was excellent and now we've got a new series from them featuring two guys always looking for a way to score some cash whilst balancing their criminal activities with a day job of (spoiler alert)  being police officers. The solicitations for the comic actually hid quite well the twist that these guys are supposedly upstanding officers who scam and cheat the system, but reading that twist just made me guffaw loudly while walking on the treadmill at the gym (yes, I read my comics while exercising, and my balance has so far been fine). From just its first issue I can already tell this book is a winner, and should you like some, "Funny," in your funnybooks you've got to pick this up too.
5 out of 5 stars.

More in a Little Bit
There are some rant-reviews on new titles, I'll be back shortly with a few more.

2014 In Review--My Favorite Cancelled Comics of 2014

Why Do Good Things Have To End?
I have two series I absolutely loved this year that sadly are not long for this world or have just ended. Interestingly enough, these are both Marvel titles and prove how while Marvel may be willing to take some risks with quikier titles, if they don't make enough bank they'll get canned just like any other book. Let's examine the duo now, shall we?

Two Awesome Comics That Shall Be No More

All-New X-Factor

Peter David of course was the writer behind one of my favorite comic series of all time, "X-Factor". I was horribly sad to see it end but was pleased when I heard how it would be kind-of rebooted as "All-New X-Factor", featuring some characters from the last iteration but a bunch of other ones too. The 18th issue came out just this week and I haven't read it, but I imagine it continues the trend set by the previous 17 of being just a joy to absorb. Peter David's writing is one thing that always shines in any title, with its mix of humor, drama, and sheer cleverness, plus the art has been solid throughout this series also. Basically, it has just been a consistently great comic.

I suppose the re-launch ended up hurting this title more than helping it, something Marvel and DC never appear to take into account, instead assuming a re-launch equals more money, somehow. In this case that didn't happen, and instead of a comic that went a bunch of issues as "X-Factor" did we will find this series ending with its 20th. I just hope Peter David goes on to do another comic even half as rad as his "X-Factor"-related work has been.

The Superior Foes of Spider-Man

Only a comic as strange as this could have the characters flipping off the reader,
and the result being readers such as myself loving it!

The writing of Nick Spencer and the art of Steve Lieber resulted in a series that was consistently incredible from start to finish, never failing to delight (what's that? Two mediocre fill-in issues? I can't hear you!). A superb mixture of super-villains, well-timed popular-culture references, humor, and some good ol' fashioned heist-planning-and-doing, "The Superior Foes of Spider-Man" was simply a treat to read. I always found myself laughing, emoting, and otherwise marveling at the clever twists in the plot Spencer would consistently spring on us, with Lieber contributing impressive art along the way too.

"The Superior Foes of Spider-Man" is the kind of comic you can love because it mostly stands alone from any other title (no need to read a Spider-Man comic unless you really want to), was great fun, and otherwise was just--as I said earlier--a treat. It had become a bit of a running-gag after the 12th-or-so issue how Marvel hadn't cancelled the comic yet, but well, as of the 17th they did, and here we are, with it out a tad ago and now this big hole in our hearts. I had discussed before about how Spencer can be a really good writer or a really bad one, and I had yet to see something from him at Marvel I loved. "The Superior Foes of Spider-Man" changed that, and clearly illustrated that given the right material and a chance Spencer can make magic for any company. Now it's over. Ain't that a shame?

No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk/Cancelled Comics

"...and he shed a single tear as the milk poured out of the glass onto the floor."

I suppose there really isn't any reason to cry too much over cancelled comics, especially super-hero ones. The creators often will go on to do something else enjoyable, and the characters might reappear under the pen of someone else and still be quite fun to read. It just is still a shame when an ongoing title you really enjoy ends up actually, you know, ending. At least I have all those older "X-Factor" comics along with the newer ones and the 100% amazing issues of "Superior Foes" (what are you saying about two miserable substitute issues? I still can't hear you!) to look back upon fondly. I guess it is better these titles end while they are still good as opposed to the worse fate some comics end of forever dragging along, terrible to read but too important or popular to be given the axe. Yes, better to go out on top than peter out at the bottom.

Rant-Review Mayhem Part 3: Marvel and DC

So, We Have Reached the End
We now of course come to the top dogs, the major players, the, "Big two." I am of course talking about Marvel and DC. While I have expressed more and more irritation with these entities for seeming to put out nothing quite new or great, there are of course still newer titles that look promising and some comics I still greatly enjoy. Then again, of the four comics that have been around awhile which I review, three are in fact cancelled due to low sales--with me actually reviewing the concluding issue of one. Perhaps there is a message there, in that the smaller and quirkier titles I enjoy seem to be the ones the ubiquitous force known as, "The market," chooses to reject in favor of the, "Same ol', same ol,'"of repetitive events and pointless relaunches. Well, having already gotten us off to such a cheery start in this final segment I suppose we should proceed to the reviews now.

Why Does Almost Everything I Love Die/Get Cancelled?
Thunderbolts #32
The 32nd issue of "Thunderbolts," is also its last, which sucks because I liked this comic even when a lot of people didn't, and loved it when it started to really get its groove going around when Charles Soule came on the book as the writer with issue #11 and did a great job for a bit until Ben Acker and Ben Blacker took over writing duties to see the book to this, its current end. This issue brings things full-circle, taking the team back to the island nation they had their first mission on at the start of the series and basically restores everyone's status quo to how things were before they joined the team--e.g. off doing their own things. The comic has a bit of meta moment where some characters point out to General Ross/the Red Hulk his idea for this team never was going to last as they were just characters that shouldn't work together--it's strange and almost feels like the old story of the fox declaring the grapes he's unable to reach as probably being sour. Regardless of that weird moment, this comic ends the series in a way that is moderately enjoyable and a bit funny in a dark and cynical way. It's too bad, but at least most of the characters who made up the team are doing fine in their own solo books or other team-comics (Venom left awhile ago to join-up with the "Guardians of the Galaxy" comic of all things). At least this got in 32 solid issues.
3 out of 5 stars.

All-New X-Factor #15
Remember how I said pointless re-launches bother me? Well, this comic is an example of how Marvel took a moderately successful and long-running series written by Peter David, the "X-Factor" that launched shortly after "House of M" and went a number of years, and proceeded to re-launch it for little reason, with the result being much lower sales that resulted in it being cancelled. I know the 16th issue is out already but I haven't picked it up yet, and therefore I am reviewing this one. I may not even read any more issues until the final 20th one comes out and I can gorge myself on the last four whilst sobbing as if I were downing a pint of "Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream." What, you think you have the right to judge how I spend my weekends?

Anyways, how was this issue itself? As always, a pleasure, if a bit hindered by the fact that it sort-of ties into all this "Axis" business which I have almost no interest in reading. It isn't officially a tie-in although when first solicited it in fact was. Therefore, I suppose this means this issue and however many after it that involve "Axis" won't appear in the "Axis"-related trade paperbacks, but this clearly was written with that event in mind, as it features the team trying to maintain calm throughout the Washington D.C. area whilst everyone freaks out due to the mind-altering powers of the evil Red Skull. Basically, we get another really good issue of the X-Factor team, but a tad hobbled by its kinda-sorta tying into "Axis". This makes for a comic that is still solid, but not quite at the level of other issues. Still, it's an easy...
3.5 out of 5 stars.

The Superior Foes of Spider-Man #16
The penultimate issue of this series, depressingly. For awhile it was a bit of a running joke how everyone thought it would, "Get the axe," but somehow kept surviving, with solicits for some issues even proudly exclaiming, "Still not cancelled!" Well, with issue #17 this title is indeed over, and its a shame as this is yet another entry that showcases the talents of Nick Spencer and Steve Lieber wondrously. The artwork has moments that remind of "Acme Novelty Library" in their creative design, and to compare someone's artwork to Chris Ware is high praise, no doubt. That isn't to say Lieber's stuff doesn't stand on its own as a glorious piece of work, because it does, with its peppy style complimenting the fact that this comic is absolutely hilarious. Besides being hilarious, it also is super-clever, always introducing a new twist almost every issue in the series to a point where you aren't sure whom you can trust--which is sort-of the point as when it comes to this team, ain't any of them particularly trustworthy.

This has been one of the consistently best titles Marvel has put out (except for that weird two-issue break that didn't tie-in to the normal going-ons with a different writer whose name escapes me) and it is a shame to see it go. Spencer clearly is building up to something quite huge though and I for one am extremely eager to see what the conclusion will hold for our, "Sinister Six," which actually only has ever had five members. It'll be some quality stuff, I bet.
5 out of 5 stars.

Superior Iron Man #1
A newly-debuted title spinning out of the events of Marvel's earlier-mentioned latest event, "Axis," I picked up "Superior Iron Man" with some trepidation as I haven't been reading, "Axis," but hoped that the talents of writer Tom Taylor (whom writes another comic I love and review below) would overcome any hurdles being related to an event this comic would have, and possibly even utilize the events of, "Axis," in a way that results in an even better comic--the heroes are having their moral, "axis," twisted a bit, or something I believe? Well, having read this issue I can say that this stands on its own pretty well in regards to any events, but as just a comic is...okay, I suppose?

Basically we have Tony Stark, but as a bit more of a jerk than usual, being all self-interested and creating an app for the phones in San Francisco that lets people look gorgeous thanks to a modified version of Extremis (that virus that helped him out in the comics and was a part of "Iron Man 3"). The twist is how Stark is planning to charge them one hundred dollars a day for the privilege of looking and feeling good after a brief trial-period. This doesn't sit right with Pepper Potts and leads to her colluding with a mysterious figure at the end of the book. It's a pretty basic first-issue in that it simply establishes the initial idea (Tony Stark is being an ass), introduces some characters (Pepper Potts, oh, and Daredevil shows up because I think he's in San Francisco now too in his comic) and introduces a, "Hook," in the form of the aforementioned mysterious figure. This results in a comic that is perfectly fine but a bit by-the-numbers except for how it makes it clear that despite the book being named for him we aren't supposed to be rooting for the newly Superior Iron Man so much as all the folk who want to take this unpleasant version of Tony Stark down a peg. So yeah, it's okay.
2.5 out of 5 stars.

Injustice: Year Three #2
Another comic by Tom Taylor, and one of the incredibly small number of DC comics I'm still reading. I also greatly have enjoyed this series throughout its seasons and in a miraculous twist others have loved it enough that its sold to a degree that it isn't cancelled! I know, isn't that crazy how a mainstream book I love is actually doing okay in the market? That said, this issue continues the trend of carefully walking the high-wire of discussing the serious topic of Superman-gone-mad but also working in some funny moments--Harvey Bullock pointing out how awkward he feels as a regular cop standing in the room with people such as a talking Chimp who also is a detective is one example. If I were to have any complaints it would be that Constantine so far in this "Year Three" of "Injustice" has been written moderately well, but just never feels as authentic as the one we know from the Vertigo days when he could swear up a storm instead of just referring to Superman as a, "Motherlover." At least he still says, "Bollocks," and has his nasty habit of smoking, making him feel somewhat familiar. Still, that issue aside, this is a great comic that quite frankly has grown into something even better than the enjoyably off-the-wall video-game.
4.5 out of 5 stars.

Concluding Comments
It may be depressing to see many of the mainstream titles I like end-up cancelled, but the occasional successful title that also happens to be good (such as "Injustice") allows me to not fully give-up hope. Plus, as my earlier rant-reviews of various independent publishers and Image have shown, there are still plenty of wonderful books out there to be found with companies who could be argued as possibly more willing to take creative risks. In the end I suppose as these reviews illustrate, all you can do is try new things out, support what you love, and hope enough other people like it too for it to keep coming out. Such is life.

One Sentence Summaries Returns With A Vengeance!

Twice now I've done this bit where I describe/summarize a comic with one sentence. Sometimes it is a short sentence, sometimes it is quite lengthy. I felt like doing this again, so I shall....

Some New One Sentence Summaries
The Bunker #2
This comic is basically proving if you could write a letter to your past self things wouldn't go as smoothly as you'd hope.

Secret Avengers #1
This is a re-launch of the earlier comic, and Ales Kot is a good writer, but for some reason I just have not enjoyed any entries under the "Secret Avengers" name since Warren Ellis absolutely killed it on his small number of issues.

Jupiter's Legacy #4
We get it, Mark Millar, your work shows you simultaneously love heroes and think of them as terrible people at the same time--most of your output reflects this immensely.

Ms. Marvel #2
This comic is pretty good at combining teenage drama with humor, and having a Muslim character without seeming like it is forcing diversity, plus the art is pretty.

Avengers Undercover #1
This is basically the follow-up comic to "Avengers Arena", which turned out to be a pretty good comic despite initial controversy, and therefore if this new first issue is any indicator then this title will be pretty darn snazzy too.

Bedlam #11
What at first seemed like Nick Spencer's version of what would happen if someone like the Joker were cured has slowly morphed into an intriguing conspiracy that seems to be growing ever-weirder.

Injustice: Gods Among Us Year Two #2
I haven't read the newly-released third issue yet, but imagine it continues the trend of this comic series actually being really good for a story that ties into a decent (but not amazing) game.

Afterlife with Archie #4
I never thought I would see the day an officially licensed "Archie" comic had this amount of sexual innuendo, violence, and otherwise was completely awesome while also weirdly keeping that "Archie" feeling.

Batman #29
I would be annoyed that "Zero Year" is seeming to go on forever if it weren't for the fact that it actually has been a pretty good mega-arc.

X-Men Legacy #300
This was a decent way to close things out and incorporate a lot of the various writers and plots the story has had, but I really wish there were more (read: much of any) David Haller AKA Legion, because he is awesome.

I Dropped A Lot of Comics Part One: Marvel

Ready, Set, Cut Books!
So yeah, as the title says, I dropped a lot of comic books from my pull-list/s. Comics are getting more expensive and I'm not made of money, so it is potentially interesting to note what I'm still reading as it is reflective of how I think about comics, and what I enjoy in them. Let's examine things in a sort-of-by-publisher method. First up, a post about Marvel comics and a variety of the books I am keeping or dropping.

Marvel Books

We should address the biggest casualty of my pull-list reduction, almost every X-Men book. While some past X-Men comics are among my favorite, currently much of the line seems to be moving at a glacial pace, with Bendis' "New X-Men" and "Uncanny X-Men" being decent reads but so abhorrently slow in actually, ya'know, going anywhere that I just can't put up with them anymore.

I do truly enjoy Jason Aaron's "Wolverine and the X-Men" and those first few issues of Brian Wood's "X-Men" are solid, but considering how almost the entire line is being drawn into this "Battle of the Atom" cross-over, it makes sense to drop all of the books that will be involved as there is little point in reading just some of this cross-over. Plus, with Marvel's "Infinity" event going on (more on that in a second) I honestly can't fund two mega-event cross-overs at once from the same publisher. Oh, and "Uncanny X-Force" has been dropped because even though I like the whole plot with Betsy and the Fantomexes (Fantomexi?) I still just can't pay that much for a comic I only enjoy a few aspects of. The only X-books I am keeping on my pull-list are "X-Factor" because it is awesome and almost through with its run anyways, and the amazing "X-Men Legacy" which I have not been shy about singing the praises of. Oh, and I'm keeping the main "Wolverine" book because Paul Cornell is a Hella' good writer.

Despite dropping all those X-books I am sticking with most of the Avenger's titles for now (like "Avengers Arena"--even if it is getting canceled), at least whilst "Infinity" is taking place. I would like to follow that event to its conclusion, so after "Infinity" I may drop a bunch of Avenger's titles, keeping only the stellar ones such as "Young Avengers" and maybe "Uncanny Avengers" which varies between really interesting or a trudge to read through, sometimes within the same issue. The new version of the "Mighty Avengers" hasn't come out yet either, but any book with Luke Cage playing a prominent role is worth getting in my opinion.

Oh, and my apologies to Cullen Bunn, but "Fearless Defenders" just isn't doing it for me, even if you kinda-sorta brought back Annabelle, and "Venom" hasn't been the same since Rick Remender left so those are cut too. His "Deadpool Kills Deadpool" series is going to stay on my list as it is sort of the conclusion of a trilogy to the "Deadpool Kills" saga and I feel too invested to quit now.

Even though I dropped Bendis' X-Men books, I do want to keep reading his "Guardians of the Galaxy" as it is always enjoyable to see space-adventures in the Marvel Universe, plus it ties-in with the aforementioned "Infinity", so it is safe for now. Other books that were safe with little hesitation were "Thunderbolts", the normal-version of "Deadpool", and I'm going to at least try that first issue of "Fantomex Max".

I still enjoy both "Daredevil" and "Hulk" by Mark Waid.

Lastly, Mark Waid should be feeling good because "Daredevil" is still being picked-up by me, without question, and after some hesitation I do still want to keep getting "Indestructible Hulk", at least while he is still writing it. Oh, and "Superior Foes of Spider-Man" by Nick Spencer may be his Marvel comic that breaks the trend of most of his Marvel work being, well, terrible. Also, even though I don't normally read "Savage Wolverine" I want to at least get those issues written and illustrated by the amazing Jock.

Wait, I completely forgot for a second, I plan to follow "Cataclysm" as the Ultimate Imprint came about when I was a young teen reading the comics and enjoying them a lot, so I feel a bit of a connection to the Ultimate Universe. I won't be reading all the tie-ins though, just the main book.

That's the Marvel books, stay tuned for DC and Image (Part 2), other publishers (Part 3), and a post reflecting on how what I chose to cut and keep reflect on not only my tastes, but the comic industry (Part 4).

How is the Same Writer Behind Two Comic Books of Such Vastly Different Quality? AKA Nick Spencer, What's Up?

How Can one Man Vary So Much?

Nick Spencer has written some comics I've adored and others that have left me slightly cold or outright disgusted (in terms of quality, not the content). The same man behind the much-popular "Morning Glories" and superb recent DC-run of "T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents" somehow also did the at-first-promising but then horrendous "Iron Man 2.0," and an extremely underwhelming start to the re-boot of "Ultimate X-Men," before Brian Wood came in and righted that near-sinking ship. So really, Nick Spencer, what's up?

I don't get it, Nick--if I can call you that--you put out some amazing DC stuff like your Jimmy Olsen story, and your creator-owned work such as Infinite Vacation earned rave reviews. Yet, you signed that exclusivity contract with Marvel (that thank-the-Lord let you finish your work on "T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents) and everything you've put out with them has failed to make me the slightest bit excited.

Belam #6 in what is apparently a variant cover, but it costs the same as the regular so I'm happy.

Now there are two newer comics that you have been making and just as has happened in the past, they couldn't be any more different in quality and my enjoyment of them. I've just finished reading the sixth issue of  "Bedlam" your creator-owned comic from Image, and I have read the third issue of the Marvel NOW re-launch of "Secret Avengers". From what I've said I am pretty sure that you, the imaginary Nick Spencer I am talking to along with my readers, know which comic has me as a big fan and which one I won't be getting the next issue of.

"Bedlam" is about a man who was one of the worst super-villains imaginable. Known as, "Madder Red," he was basically the Joker cranked up to 11 in homicidal tendencies. From the first issue his masked visage inspired a bit of terror in the reader.

Scary, just scary.

The hook however, the thing that keeps someone reading besides, "Oh, it's basically a comic from the Joker's point of view," is that Madder Red is actually cured. Yes, through tons of surgery and conditioning by a mysterious doctor we still don't yet known the true intentions of, Madder Red is in fact now sane. He's been released into the real world with a new fake name and everything. He can't help but be drawn to crime and starts helping the police with his amazing intellect and profiling skills that he no doubt gained from his time as a murderous villain. The art by Riley Rossmo is awesome and Frazier Irving keeps providing delightfully twisted covers. It's a gas to both read and observe the art of, and a book I wholeheartedly recommend to anyone looking for a creepy take on heroes, villains, and the books perennial question of, "Is evil just something you are or something you do?" 

My fountain of praise for "Bedlam" makes it all the more strange how I have so little that is positive to say of "Secret Avengers". Whereas Bedlam lays out its premise clearly, Secret Avengers teases you with a big secret in the 1st issue but then does an annoying thing of making it "redacted" so it remains a secret. I'm not joking:

Then in the later issues Spencer kind of takes advantage of the fact our heroes are having their memories altered with a little twist at the end of issue #2, but I still don't quite understand why it happened as it did. Now in issue #3 we've got more attempted-intrigue in the form of the organization A.I.M. taking advantage of having their own legally-recognized island by building up some kind of arsenal, but I honestly still have no idea what in the dickens is supposed to be going on in this comic and we are 3 issues in.

I wouldn't mind as much if the characters were written well, but Nick Fury Jr. comes off as a jerk, Hawkeye lacks all the charm of his solo book and instead seems like a major tool, and the female characters come off as either snarky or little more than just being another character the artist had to draw standing around doing nothing. Speaking of the drawing, the art is fine. Yeah, not everything about the book is bad, Luke Ross does a good job with what he's given, even if it is very little. The story however feels bloated, confused, and otherwise is just unpleasant to read.

The cover to the third issue, also known as the last issue I'm buying.

Bedlam is complex but clear in its motivations. Secret Avengers is just confusing. Bedlam has fascinating characters with them feeling important no matter how big or small their role. Secret Avengers has characters with all the personality of a cardboard cut-out. Bedlam has great art, Secret Avengers has fine art (I guess not everything is a polar opposite). One comic is unquestionably much better than the other, which makes it all the more baffling how one person can be the writer for both books. It is as if Spencer forgets everything he knows about plot development and characterization when it comes to his Marvel titles, but suddenly gains skill as soon as the book is DC-related or creator-owned (with the exception of "Thief Of Thieves" which Spencer co-wrote some issues of with Robert Kirkman owning the rights, and which is basically a boring-as-Hell book,).

Spencer writes some awesome and some bad comics, it is just odd how basically all the lesser ones seem to be Marvel titles. Someday the mystery behind this may be solved, but for now all I can do is pick up his good books and avoid his lesser ones.

Bedlam #1-6: 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Secret Avengers #1-3: 2 out of 5 stars (the art saves it from a lower score).

Rant-Reviews--Everything is Terrible, Even the Good Stuff Part 2---DC Destruction

There are some DC books out there to examine and insult/praise. Oh, and I'm going to discuss a Vertigo book which isn't really DC per-se but their alternative more mature line. It's still the same company though so who gives a rotten apple?

Justice League #7
So we're doing that old comic, "The Authority," about heroes who are kind of bad guys but don't realize it? Nah, not really. We're doing a comic about a world that doesn't trust their heroes? Well, the people seem to love them even if some government suits complain. We're doing a comic about the, "Birth of a Villain," as the title claims? Yeah right, we don't get a hint of that till about the last couple of pages.

What is this then? Basically a comic about a dude named Steve Trevor and what his life is like interacting with the Justice League via Skype or something. Oh, and there is some action with a weird spore-monster. This is really just kind of disjointed and a bit odd though. Still, I'll take that over the pretty-but-pointless mess that was the first six issues of this series. It's like this went from a hot girl you couldn't stand listening to into a somewhat attractive person who is all over the place emotionally but interesting enough that you'll tough it out through her psychotic breaks in which she tries to cut you. Yeah, this comic is a dysfunctional relationship. Take it to Thanksgiving dinner and show it to mom and dad. They won't approve, they never do of the hussies you bring back over the holidays.
3 out of 5 stars.

Batman #7
This isn't amazing like issue #5 which was utterly trippy and much better than any mainstream super-hero comic has the right to be, and it isn't kind of cool like #6 with its surreal bits too. No, this is just one of those, "Everything you think you know about Batman's history is wrong!," comics...which is kind of funny because I thought due to the big DC continuity reboot we're not supposed to know anything about Batman's history for sure anyway. You can't really shock me by going "Boo!" when your company already did the equivalent of kidnapping me, tying me up, putting me a potato bag, and dumping me in a river gasping for air.

 That metaphor is how trying to figure out DC's new continuity feels. It's murky, scratchy, and cold. That's why you can't catch me off guard with all this stuff about a secret group themed off of owls running Gotham--I didn't even know we were supposed to think of it as a place run by Batman anymore. Oh, and Batman punches one of his former sidekicks/adopted sons in the mouth to reveal a special tooth implanted there long ago by the villains. Couldn't he have just told the guy about it and taken it out with some Novocaine instead of walloping the dude? Batman, the adoptive father who punches you to prove a point.
2.5 out of 5 stars.

Grifter #7
In this comic a hero named Midnighter acts like a total idiot when he could try just talking to Grifter or taking him back to the Stormwatch base instead of trying to kill him, Grifter touches a weird alien artifact and learns stuff, and the two fight in a poorly illustrated comic. This is what I read, and then I cried many, many bitter tears over the fact that I actually bought this comic and thought at the start it seemed remotely interesting. Will it improve somehow? Well, let's see who the next writer for it is and....Rob Liefeld? Oh FUCK, I've got to drop this from my pull-list ASAP!
1 out of 5 stars.

Spaceman #5
The thing about Brian Azzarello and Eduardo Risso is that they have worked closely together for so long they could be one person, and this one person makes damn good comics. When you hear about a comic focused on a genetically-altered "man" that riffs on how people use funny internet slang, reality television, global warming, and throws in some space-stuff you hear about something which sounds like an utter mess. This duo/essentially-one-person however can have so damn much skill this comic comes out hotter than a biscuit you left in the oven and burnt so badly your spouse yells at you and threatens to leave forever, but then again doesn't he/she always pull that shit when you forget their birthday? I'm getting distracted though, this comic is great stuff, should be read by all, and treasured for being unique in this landscape where you're considered clever for writing something where Cyclops and Captain America punch each other.
4.5 out of 5 stars

DCU Online Legends #26
The last issue of a series that became terrible and utterly incomprehensible around the half-way point. I have no idea why I kept reading this even though it made zero sense with its jumping around in time. Maybe it is kind of the same way people like staring at really brutal car crashes where entrails and blood are all over the place--its just so hideous and gruesome you can't look away. Whatever the case, we get a comic where Lex Luthor learns that maybe Superman isn't so bad before he resets the Universe and the entire comic becomes even more of a pointless endeavor than it was. This happy-go-lucky and nice Luthor is annoying as hell, the comic is ugly as sin (as it has been over the whole series) and if you ever want to start a war between two nations have one give the other a collection of all 26 issues of this and force them to read it. Bombs will be flying before the day is through.
.5 out of 5 stars.

T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents #5
Oh Nick Spencer, you can write as many shitty Marvel comics as you want, because somehow with that exclusivity contract for them you still got to write this series, and it is so good I just can't care that you seem to either write amazing stuff or absolute trash. Your first volume of this series is one of my favorite recent comic collections and this new batch from the re-launched DC Universe that thankfully didn't touch your run is so good too. I just lie in bed at night and rub this comic all over my body, which gets my girlfriend weirded-out, but I don't care because she doesn't understand the love I have for this series. Oh, and this issue, it brings some dangling plot threads home and introduces those trademark last-minutes twists I've so grown to love.

 I know you cry when people mock your other comics on the internet, Nick, but its okay, I still like you. At least as long as you are writing this series, then you either need to up your game on something else or you'll be known as, "That guy who did good stuff awhile ago but now sucks," just like so many other creators (Jeph Loeb, Mark Millar, that guy who draws a huge-breasted witch named Tarot...um, Jim Balent, that's it!).
4.5 out of 5 stars.

Captain Atom #7
I'm just still amazed that J.T. Krul can write a comic that is actually good, and which I'll miss when its cancelled because this thing sells worse than Barbra Walters recent sex tape. Yes, Barbra Walters has a sex tape. I bought the only copy by accident and it's nightmarish.
3.5 out of 5 stars.

Someday I'll have nothing snarky to say about the comics I've read. That is the day I am murdered by Mark Millar and he makes it look like J.T. Krul did it because Millar has enough money to buy a small country thanks to all those movie options of his shitty comics.

Rant-Reviews--Heroes, Failing.

In four out of these five comics the heroes are currently losing/failing miserably at whatever goal they are attempting to fulfill. In only one comic do they win and that is because it is the last issue of a mini-series--and that mini-series was at one point made an ongoing before being downgraded back to a mini-series, so they kind of already lost as hard as possible.

The Twelve #9
Holy crab-apples, this mofo actually came out? How many years late is this thing now? Well, I was enjoying the comic and someone who we saw die at the end of the first issue in a flash-forward finally bites it in this one, so that's progress, I suppose. Still, it took so long for this to come out I'm kind of just beyond caring too much even if I was really liking the tale--when it originally was being released, in 2008. However, it is nice to see something by Straczynski actually maybe come to a finish and/or not be terrible. I remember when he did good work like Supreme Power. I miss that Straczynksi. Plus, Chris Weston always provides killer art. Enjoyable enough.
3.5 out of 5 stars.

Glory #23
The first issue of the re-launch of Rob Liefeld concepts where the interesting idea to get writers and artists completely unlike Liefeld to tell his stories strangely continues to pay off (as with Prophet, which I plan to review later on). Here we get a more extreme version of Wonder Woman that I had never read about before, a person with strange dreams, interesting flashbacks, nice art from the author of "Wet Moon", Ross Campbell, and things turn out to make a really good comic. Apparently when you take Liefeld, erase everything except the most faintest of his presence, and let people loose with it, you get some good stuff. As for the failing in this issue? Great last page reveal, that's all I will say.
4.5 out of 5 stars.

Justice League #5
Jim Lee's monsters look nice, I can give the comic that. Um, and there is a nice moment between Batman and the Green Lantern even if it feels pretty tacked-on. Also, it is cool how the bad guy, Darkseid, just does his damage and doesn't talk. I find it annoying when bad guys monologue endlessly instead of actually enacting their evil plan. Besides that though, not much else I'm really too big on here. This comic has been slow to develop an actual plot, the characters have been coming off as somewhat one-dimensional, and I'm just bored. It's sort of like the most indulgent comics of the 1990s where writers and artists got to engage in their masturbatory fantasies of drawing super-handsome and muscular men and pretty ladies who looked impossibly perfect while writing them as cardboard cutouts with one particular personality trait and patting themselves on the back with their free hand as they felt somehow what they were doing was genius by taking a story you could tell in one issue and stretching it out over six.

I read this and I just hear, "Wonder Woman likes to fight" "Batman doesn't trust the super-folk," "Green Lantern is cocky," "Look at their cool armor-like outfits," and mainly, "Buy 5 issues of this comic and bag up 3 in hopes they rise in value even though so many copies are sold you'll find it in a dollar bin in a few months!" Geoff Johns can write better than this, and Jim Lee has done better art even though he is pretty much known for a style that people think of when they think 1990s comics (well, he and Rob Liefeld, but that is more-so a painful memory for many folk). If this is the comic people are supposed to read from DC to get interested in reading comics again then hoo boy do we have some problems. Oh, who loses in this issue? Well, all the heroes get beat up, but I'd say the biggest loser is the reader.
1.5 out of 5 stars.

Alpha Flight #8
Poor, poor, Alpha Flight. Yes, technically they win the battle against their foe in this issue, but considering how at one point this was going to be an ongoing before it was made a mini-series again after a joyous announcement...well, Alpha Flight pretty much lost as badly as any comic can--through cancellation. True, one of the writers (Fred Van Lente) and the artist can write their happy little essays in the back saying how they are pleased they told a complete tale and its all okay, but I can taste their salty tears that mixed with the ink of the comic. You may ask why I'm licking my comic, and I refuse to answer that question. All that aside, this issue does feel a bit rushed too so I'm kind of let down overall. It still was pretty good though.
3 out of 5 stars.

Ultimate Comics X-Men #7
An issue all about the Ultimate Universe version of Quicksilver, whom was one of my favorite aspects of this re-launched title being written by the sometimes-great sometimes-pretty-bad Nick Spencer. This issue has a whole lot of death and blood as Quicksilver's plan  (whatever it was, I still don't understand) fails and results in thousands of mutants being slaughtered. The fact that the end of this issue is so much like the conclusion of issue #6 but with a different person maybe-possibly being back from the dead or just in our hero's mind is annoying. I wanted to like this more than I did. Sort of like hearing about a girl who sounds wonderful but then you actually go on the date and she turns out to be more unpleasant than gangrene.
2.5 out of 5 stars.

Rant-Reviews--Avenger Annual, Young Avengers Whine, War Machine's Book Dies A Painful Death, I Cry Myself To Sleep

Just Three Books getting the ol' ranting treatment today. 2 of them involve the Avengers in some form but only one is really fun, and another of them-thar books is about James Rhodes suffering a terrible death--not in the comic, but in a publishing sense as his book grinds to a halt suddenly as Marvel decided to kill it painfully. Good times all around.

The Avengers Annual #1 (for 2012, I suppose)
Hm, I didn't expect to enjoy this. Simon Williams has been written so woefully, horrendously, miserably, and out-of-character by Brian Michael Bendis in the Avenger's books and the other "New Avengers Annual" leading up to this. The thing is, when Wonder Man speaks this time, he makes some good points and the Avengers don't really have an argument against him. He says the Avengers has done some good things but really have just caused a ton of harm--Bendis tries to make Simon Wiliams look crazy while doing this, but really the man of wonder is right.

All the other Avengers can do is ask if Williams is under some form of mind control and try to attack him, which he very well points out they are going to do. Bendis in the process of trying to make the Avengers look good actually proves Simon William's point. They kind of just come off as big bullies--even if our "antagonist" and his friends caused some damage. Williams even says to his best friend, Beast, when he's locked up at the end that he loves Beast (still, after all this!) and hopes when Beast realizes the facts he brings this whole "Avengers" thing down.

It's almost as if someone set out to make a movie mocking something and instead made something that was a really good version of it--see "Robocop and violence in movies". Like if Bendis tried to make fun of a horror movies but whipped up the best horror movie ever. He tries to make the Avengers look good and Williams look crazy, but in fact...Williams just looks right, even if his team of friends is a little wonky. This takes place before Fear Itself #1 even happens though, however, so really none of it matters at all. Sigh.
4 out of 5 stars

Avengers: The Children's Crusade #8
Wow, in this comic we get teens whining, and Doctor Doom carrying on about how wonderful he is before of course everything goes wrong and it turns out he actually isn't a kind-hearted as he would have you believe. And oh...oh no....is there a hint in there about a huge continuity ret-con where the Scarlet Witch isn't responsible for the whole, "No More Mutants," thing but instead was somehow controlled by Doctor Doom into doing it? That better not be what I think is being hinted at, or else I will spit. Seriously, I will purse my lips and shoot out saliva in the middle of wherever I am when/if this suspicion is confirmed. Be it a cafe, day-care, funeral home, or whatever else.

At least the art looks good even if this is just constant whining. I swear, if I wanted this much whining I would go to the aforementioned day-care--which would be odd because I don't have any kids. Well, I mean there is that hybrid human-cheetah I created in a lab one night, but the government came and took it, saying something about, "Crimes against nature." Yet another sigh.
2.5 out of 5 stars.

Iron Man 2.0 #12
Nick Spencer came to Marvel with a gleam in his eye. He had an exclusivity contract and all these ideas. Iron Man 2.0 started so strongly but then Marvel told him he had to tie it in to Fear Itself for no apparent reason and for a good number of issues the complicated plot Nick Spencer was creating became all but derailed.

Nick Spencer was writing a comic about War Machine, but it was called Iron Man 2.0 and sales still weren't going strong, but he kept the intriguing plot churning along once the terrible Fear Itself bits ended and he could make something of quality again. Then Marvel brought the axe down on his baby, killing it with issue #12. Those last few issues were clearly rushed as the art would shift without warning in a style clash that made the eyes' of readers bleed. Plus, the story didn't get a strong conclusion really after those 12 (and a .1) issues of build-up, not counting the Fear Itself side-tracking bit. No, the comic just sort of abruptly ended.

This is a bad comic, I feel let down after all the development to have things just peter out so weakly like this, but I actually kind of know it isn't really Nick Spencer's fault. Marvel made him do the tie-in, I'm all but sure, and they killed this series on him. I see hints of what could have been a great ending but instead we're stuck with this. It's like the difference between the picture you see on the box of your new toy and what's actually inside that box--the world of difference. Nick Spencer wanted to deliver what was on that box, but he wasn't able to, he just gave us the disappointing junk that falls out once you rip open the packaging.

Another victim of this is the character of James Rhodes, War Machine. Yet again another interesting character will be relegated to the background. Also, considering how few comics have protagonists that are of color there is of course all the people on the internet asking, "Did the comic not last because he was black?" There is that argument that maybe people don't want to read about black characters, and I don't buy that. I think people want to read about interesting characters and if you have an interesting character that is black you might just have some success. I really blame the Fear Itself tie-in causing the comic to lose the momentum it had going.

Who knows what other fun stories we could have had, instead we are left with this weak ending of a comic. For what it's worth, Nick Spencer, I forgive you for this. As I said, I don't really blame you. Plus, if you keep making T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents and keep it awesome I'll let almost anything slide. And one last sigh.
1.5 out of 5 stars.

We went from good, to okay, to just plain sad. You never know what's gonna happen when it's comic-reviewing time.

Rant-Reviews--4 of the few-ish Marvel books I read and T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents

Your Comics Suck, But I Read Them
I said I'd get to posting, and now its time for some rant-reviews. I know I tag any post with a review with rant-reviews, but these that are just nothing but reviews are special--they are really sarcastic and silly. Let's proceed?

Magneto: Not A Hero #1 
The second issue of this comes out tomorrow, and I would have been more excited after the big reveal at the end of the first issue, were it not for the fact that Marvel spoiled that surprise in the solicitation for the third issue of this series! I mean really, what the fuck? Marvel pulled the same move I did when I came out of a screening of the movie Contagion and the theater I was at only has one actual theater because its kind of a bar and lounge with one screen. Therefore, a line forms for the next showing as tickets go fast because people like to see movies at the bar and lounge theater.

So, I leave Contagion and tell everyone, "It was a pig, it was a motherfucking pig all along, but they find a cure!" and 5 minutes later security is ushering me out of the building--not because I was being thrown out, but because I had to be protected from the violent crowd that just had a plot point of the movie ruined for them. You see, people still went and saw the movie, and enjoyed it, but had an important thing spoiled for them by a asshole (me/Marvel) which kind of tempered some of the shock. It was still a cool comic though, and I'm sure they felt the same about Contagion. I wouldn't know, the theater banned me. By the way, that story is more true and less of a joke than I'd care to admit.
3.5 out of 5 stars.



Secret Avengers #19
Warren Ellis continues to show that even though he insults superhero comics, he can write damn good ones, and also has been proving that you can do done-in-one-issue stories. You hear that, Uncanny X-Force? With your 9-parts and more, "Dark Angel" saga that while good has been going forever? You can tell a quality tale within just a single issue of a comic, and have it actually be satisfying! Plus my favorite, Moon Knight is in this and I love him to an unhealthy degree for someone to love a fictional character. I mean goddamn, this was just spectacular and looked pretty darn good too. I actually don't mind the $3.99 this cost, which is equal to Marvel kicking me really hard in the junk and laughing about it. Yeah, there's a reason I've switched to a mostly DC, but if Marvel actually consistently had stuff like this and made it easy to find instead of part of a market flooded with 50 other Avengers books maybe the world would be a better place. You know, the kind of place where Republican Presidential debates aren't more painful to sit through than a dental appointment to with teeth drilled without any Novocaine.
5 out of 5 stars.

Red Skull: Incarnate #5
We all know this guy--the young Johann--is gonna become one of the worst Nazis ever--The Red Skull--and if I've learned anything from movies, its pretty hard if not impossible to make Nazis seem like sympathetic characters. Therefore, writer Greg Pak had his work cut out for him in the process of making this sort-of-contrast to his other comic series, "Magneto: Testament." I guess I should give Pak credit in that early on our "hero" (said with much sarcasm) seems decent enough and slowly gets worse and worse. Still, its a comic about a Nazi, and these days that's about as easy to find as pictures of Lindsay Lohan's hoo-ha now that she is down on her luck and posed for Playboy.

Seriously, did you see those pictures? I heard they had to Photoshop the hell out of them to make her look decent and I just felt weird looking at the images as I still think of her as that kid from the remake of , "The Parent Trap," who had all that potential and flushed it down the toilet to become what she is today--a dime-a-dozen wreck. You know what the problem is with dime-a-dozen wrecks? No matter how interesting they were at first they are still just wrecks now and there are a ton of those. This is a comic about a Nazi, and no matter how interesting Pak makes him in the end there are still all those Nazi comics too. I just compared Lindsay Lohan to comics about Nazis. I am a mad scientist.
3 out of 5 stars (because the effort is there).

Wolverine And The X-Men #2
If you are a fan of Iceman--like, you get a boner anytime you see him appear in comics--then this issue must have made you just jizz/cream all over yourself uncontrollably. I mean seriously, every few years comics talk about how Iceman has all this potential he just has to tap into, and this is one of those issues where he does it and you fans out there have multiple orgasms to it because its so extreme and crazy. Plus those of you who have Iceman-Kitty Pyrde fan-fiction can quit finger-banging/jerking to your imagination as Marvel has made a dream come true with him totally sticking that icy tongue down her throat. Also, this issue has Frankenstein monsters, plural. And it is drawn by Bachalo. How can a person not love this? When writer Jason Aaron has his A-game going quality shit like this just seeps out of his pores. Sadly, sometimes we get miserable junk, but right now everyone should be pleased, or coming if they are Iceman fans. Wow, this review was really lewd.
4.5 out of 5 stars.



T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents #1
When DC did the big re-launch I was worried I would lose this book. Hell, when Nick Spencer went to work exclusively for Marvel we should have lost this book. However, despite the world itself trying to kill this great series it continues to come out and that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy (and that's not the booze). Seriously, Spencer has had a tough time at Marvel I would say. Iron Man 2.0 was cancelled, his gig on Secret Avengers got terrible reviews, the Doctor Doom mini-series was strangled in the crib--never coming out with even the first issue, and every single day Marvel's Editor-in-Chief Axel Alonso has to be given a sponge bath, and Spencer was the poor guy who got task while Bendis meanwhile gets to play videogames with Breevort (I'm making that last thing up, maybe). Really, Spencer has been having it rough. That's why I'm happy he shines on this book.

The first six issue of the last T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents were amazing. The last four were pretty good but lacked some of the sheer awesomeness. This is somewhere in between and I don't mind that at all. I really enjoyed this. I hope this book keeps going past this mini-series with Spencer on-board somehow, and I hope Spencer has a better 2012 at Marvel than 2011. I mean seriously, if Axel is bathed everyday how does he get so dirty?
4.5 out of 5 stars.