Chuck Austen Returns to Comics

Chuck Austen is a comic creator whose work is often hated on. I'd say some of his stuff was actually pretty good, like his first, "U.S. War Machine," Marvel Max series, but I'd also admit he made some straight-up garage. He quit comics more than a decade ago, working on various television shows and I'd assume doing other hobbies that didn't get him constantly mocked by comic fans. Well, he's decided to return!

Yes, Chuck Austen is going to have a creator-owned series on ComiXology titled, "Edgeworld," which he'll be doing with illustrator Patrick Olliffe. Olliffe is someone whom Austen met back in his Marvel days and they'd had this idea for a bit, it seems. Austen admits in the press release for the comic he'd outright left comics, but he and Olliffe decided, "Why don’t we create a comic for ourselves? Just for fun?’ One rocket-sled ride later, and here we are. We never created this to sell to a publisher. We created it to create and that was very freeing.” Austen is basically saying off the bat to save your criticism because he's heard it all and this is just something he did to have a swell time. I say good for him. 

An underrated series Austen worked on.

The comic itself is about a character named Killian Jess, a former intergalactic soldier turned magistrate who works to protect the planet Pala with one of its native beings, Cheela--so it's like a police procedural, kinda? As someone who has actually been fond of some of Austen's writing, I wish him the best with this new project and hope it both does well and is--you know--good.

Tales From the Dollar Bin: U.S. War Machine 2.0 #3

There are comics which are worth incredible sums of money, but so many of the most interesting, tragic, or just downright weird can be found for a simple dollar or less in a  store's "dollar bin". There, comics that never gained much popularity can be found alongside those that sold so much as for a copy to be worthless. "Tales From the Dollar Bin" aims to explore these comics, be they a single issue or an entire run of a series. From the great to the miserable, some of the best treasures and worst nightmares can be found in those infamous boxes. Let's have a "tale" now...

The Worst Possible Thing A Marvel "Max" Comic Could Produce

Chuck Austen is a writer whom many people hate. Not dislike, but hate, with passion. Considered to have ruined almost any comic he touched, I actually have to defend him on one title, "U.S. War Machine". Putting aside how you aren't supposed to put periods in the abbreviation for "U.S.", it wasn't a horrible comic. It was a black-and-white title put out from Marvel under their "Max" line, which allowed them to throw in swearing, extra-gory violence, and a bit of nudity, but also deal with other truly "adult" topics such as racism and the military-industrial complex. It lasted twelve issues (which were collected in a trade) and ended with a bit of a cliff-hanger. It honestly wasn't bad and I really enjoyed it. That makes it all the more sad how the sequel, "U.S. War Machine 2.0" and this third and final issue of it, happens to be one of the worst comics you will ever find from a big-name publisher.

If you gave a high-school student with a weak grasp of story-telling and terrible image-making software the chance to put out a comic this could very well be the result. What's wrong? I'll tell you some ways. The plot makes little-to-no sense with characters randomly showing up. There are swear words thrown in to make everything feel "mature". Wretched dialogue is the order of the day that is supposed to be deep or edgy, but comes off as ham-fisted--"There is no reasoning, Tony. These people have a nuclear weapon in the middle of downtown London for one reason and one reason only, to kill millions of people. And our job is to stop them, by any means necessary." Also, a random bad guy inexplicably gives a hint where a nuclear bomb is in his final words for no apparent reason other than to move the story forward, and the art, oh God the art is just utterly terrible.

Just a Mess

Iron Man shows up with musings that are about as deep as kiddie-pool.

Clearly I could go on forever about the abomination that is this comic. That Marvel even put something like this out and considered it a product of enough quality to slap a $2.99 on the cover is mind-boggling. Honestly, sometimes you will find buried treasures in a dollar bin, but this 3rd and final issue of the 2nd "U.S. War Machine" story is just wretched and one of the worst possible things a Marvel "Max" comic could be--shallow and relying on nothing more than being an immature "mature" comic that can get away with swearing and extreme violence. Then again, the art is so bad you can't even always tell what the violence is. I think a man gets impaled on a spike at some point, and another person gets their head blown off (to list a couple examples), but really, if you can figure out this gruesome computer-generated art you are a smarter person than me.

I didn't scan this improperly, that weird water/steam/oil/whatever is there for no apparent reason.

This 2nd volume of "U.S. War Machine" basically took whatever goodwill the 12 issues in the first series built up and burned it to the ground in the span of a measly three miserable comics. They represent a dark piece of history that folk would maybe rather forget, a time when Chuck Austen was able to get work and put out a steaming pile of awful that masquerades as this excuse for a comic. I am rare in that I actually liked his first "U.S. War Machine", but this "2.0" is just horrific. Then again for every good comic you find in that infamous place where all comics just cost 100 pennies there are plenty of horrors lurking--I just didn't know that I would stumble upon one of the worst nightmares you could ever find. Then again, that's the risk you take every time you embark on a....tale from the dollar bin!

Thoughts and Links AKA Before Watchmen? No, Just No

Before Watchmen: The Event No One Wanted At A Time It's Not Needed

We have this event, called, "Before Watchmen" that is happening. It's a prequel bunch of comics to Watchmen. When I first heard about this I thought the announcement was about a series of one-shots so I thought, "this is probably a shameless cash-grab, but a little companion trade-paperback to Watchmen could maybe, just maybe, be interesting." Then I read this link and learned how we are getting a ton of issues. 30+ books? Really? Do I need to remind anyone the original Watchmen was 12 issues? Alan Moore may be a bit cranky sometimes but is of course correct in pointing out how its sad that DC is mining his ideas from 25 years ago for new material. Then, as David Brothers discusses, someone has the nerve to argue out that Alan Moore being pissed is somehow a good thing? I don't know why David Brothers even reads Newsarama.

I think it is the nerve of DC to do this that boggles my mind. They just did a huge re-launch they should be focusing all their creators and money on, and instead they decided to try and exploit this old property with the idea that maybe they can maybe make some cash or another movie from it (note: just a theory about a movie). Watchmen worked best as a tale about a bunch of washed-up heroes who were an ensemble, and now we're going to expand something without the creators guys who made it so special being involved one iota. What. The. Fuuuucccckkkk?

You may be asking, "David, I get it, you're annoyed and a bit pissed, but are you going to check out any of the books?" No, not really. The only one that seems the slightest bit promising is the idea of Brian Azzarello writing Rorschach as he does a good job with gritty, crime-stuff. Then again, couldn't Mr. Azzarello just make his own amazing crime caper without trying to mess with Watchmen? 100 Bullets was pretty good, why not make another thing like that instead of grabbing Alan Moore's baby and shaking it until all the money in its diaper has fallen to the floor? I know I'm mixing my metaphors horribly, but the point is Watchmen worked best a 12 issue series and now DC wants to do this...yuck. Also, who wants to take bets that somehow Straczynski ends up not being able to finish his Dr. Manhattan book for some reason and they need someone else to take over?

Link-mania

In less annoying and more heartwarming news, but which still oddly involves a comic company jumping around in a series' time-line, Archie is going to have a baby with Valerie of Josie and the Pussycats in his comic set in alternate futures. Some people are making a fuss as the baby will be multi-racial. He has a future with Veronica, Betty, Valerie, they had a comic with gay character Kevin Keller getting married...it boggles my mind Archie comics got so progressive. They are selling though, so I guess it all works out.

In sad news, the creator of Soul Train, Don Cornelius, died. Soul Train was an awesome show and beat the lame American Bandstand in awesomeness hands-down.

Donald Trump endorsing Mitt Romney...hmmmm. Is an endorsement form Trump really something you want?

Apparently some people  don't believe a groundhog has the power to predict how the season will work out. You are all non-believers; of course a small mammal that burrows underground controls the climate!

An airline added a $2.00 fee for, "Unintended consequences." You know, I hated flying before security got even more crazy, tickets went through the roof, and shit just generally went right into the fan in regards to airline industries. Imagine how I feel about going to the airport now.

I hated how Iron Man 2.0 ended. Well, maybe there was a lot more going on behind the scenes than I realized to make it so terrible, as one of the artists, Ariel Olivetti revealed in an interview.

I will never be as clever as Tucker Stone, or his friends he gets to help review things like movies.

That's the end of that.

Some interesting links, pointless events, there we go.

Rant-Reviews--Avenger Annual, Young Avengers Whine, War Machine's Book Dies A Painful Death, I Cry Myself To Sleep

Just Three Books getting the ol' ranting treatment today. 2 of them involve the Avengers in some form but only one is really fun, and another of them-thar books is about James Rhodes suffering a terrible death--not in the comic, but in a publishing sense as his book grinds to a halt suddenly as Marvel decided to kill it painfully. Good times all around.

The Avengers Annual #1 (for 2012, I suppose)
Hm, I didn't expect to enjoy this. Simon Williams has been written so woefully, horrendously, miserably, and out-of-character by Brian Michael Bendis in the Avenger's books and the other "New Avengers Annual" leading up to this. The thing is, when Wonder Man speaks this time, he makes some good points and the Avengers don't really have an argument against him. He says the Avengers has done some good things but really have just caused a ton of harm--Bendis tries to make Simon Wiliams look crazy while doing this, but really the man of wonder is right.

All the other Avengers can do is ask if Williams is under some form of mind control and try to attack him, which he very well points out they are going to do. Bendis in the process of trying to make the Avengers look good actually proves Simon William's point. They kind of just come off as big bullies--even if our "antagonist" and his friends caused some damage. Williams even says to his best friend, Beast, when he's locked up at the end that he loves Beast (still, after all this!) and hopes when Beast realizes the facts he brings this whole "Avengers" thing down.

It's almost as if someone set out to make a movie mocking something and instead made something that was a really good version of it--see "Robocop and violence in movies". Like if Bendis tried to make fun of a horror movies but whipped up the best horror movie ever. He tries to make the Avengers look good and Williams look crazy, but in fact...Williams just looks right, even if his team of friends is a little wonky. This takes place before Fear Itself #1 even happens though, however, so really none of it matters at all. Sigh.
4 out of 5 stars

Avengers: The Children's Crusade #8
Wow, in this comic we get teens whining, and Doctor Doom carrying on about how wonderful he is before of course everything goes wrong and it turns out he actually isn't a kind-hearted as he would have you believe. And oh...oh no....is there a hint in there about a huge continuity ret-con where the Scarlet Witch isn't responsible for the whole, "No More Mutants," thing but instead was somehow controlled by Doctor Doom into doing it? That better not be what I think is being hinted at, or else I will spit. Seriously, I will purse my lips and shoot out saliva in the middle of wherever I am when/if this suspicion is confirmed. Be it a cafe, day-care, funeral home, or whatever else.

At least the art looks good even if this is just constant whining. I swear, if I wanted this much whining I would go to the aforementioned day-care--which would be odd because I don't have any kids. Well, I mean there is that hybrid human-cheetah I created in a lab one night, but the government came and took it, saying something about, "Crimes against nature." Yet another sigh.
2.5 out of 5 stars.

Iron Man 2.0 #12
Nick Spencer came to Marvel with a gleam in his eye. He had an exclusivity contract and all these ideas. Iron Man 2.0 started so strongly but then Marvel told him he had to tie it in to Fear Itself for no apparent reason and for a good number of issues the complicated plot Nick Spencer was creating became all but derailed.

Nick Spencer was writing a comic about War Machine, but it was called Iron Man 2.0 and sales still weren't going strong, but he kept the intriguing plot churning along once the terrible Fear Itself bits ended and he could make something of quality again. Then Marvel brought the axe down on his baby, killing it with issue #12. Those last few issues were clearly rushed as the art would shift without warning in a style clash that made the eyes' of readers bleed. Plus, the story didn't get a strong conclusion really after those 12 (and a .1) issues of build-up, not counting the Fear Itself side-tracking bit. No, the comic just sort of abruptly ended.

This is a bad comic, I feel let down after all the development to have things just peter out so weakly like this, but I actually kind of know it isn't really Nick Spencer's fault. Marvel made him do the tie-in, I'm all but sure, and they killed this series on him. I see hints of what could have been a great ending but instead we're stuck with this. It's like the difference between the picture you see on the box of your new toy and what's actually inside that box--the world of difference. Nick Spencer wanted to deliver what was on that box, but he wasn't able to, he just gave us the disappointing junk that falls out once you rip open the packaging.

Another victim of this is the character of James Rhodes, War Machine. Yet again another interesting character will be relegated to the background. Also, considering how few comics have protagonists that are of color there is of course all the people on the internet asking, "Did the comic not last because he was black?" There is that argument that maybe people don't want to read about black characters, and I don't buy that. I think people want to read about interesting characters and if you have an interesting character that is black you might just have some success. I really blame the Fear Itself tie-in causing the comic to lose the momentum it had going.

Who knows what other fun stories we could have had, instead we are left with this weak ending of a comic. For what it's worth, Nick Spencer, I forgive you for this. As I said, I don't really blame you. Plus, if you keep making T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents and keep it awesome I'll let almost anything slide. And one last sigh.
1.5 out of 5 stars.

We went from good, to okay, to just plain sad. You never know what's gonna happen when it's comic-reviewing time.

Rant-Reviews--When You Combine All My Comics Into One Title You Get "Detective Iron-Butcher Rasl-Flight: The Children's Crusade" I'd Read That

For this rant-reviews let's look at six, count'em six, comics because so much stuff seems to be coming out and piling up.

Flashback Friday AND Mini-Run Review--Secret Avengers #1-5

Secret Avengers #1-5
It's the first five issues of the comic that was written by Ed Brubaker before some other folk were announced as coming on to write it recently. Yeah, it isn't that old, but let's just roll with it.

Green Arrow #12 And Iron Man 2.0 #5 AKA How NOT To Do Event Tie-In Comics

Green Arrow #12 AND Iron Man 2.0 #5
These comics are how you do not do event tie-in comics, and for different reasons that result in them being the same less-than-enjoyable level of quality. Let's be like MC Hammer and break it down. Now that is one dated reference.

Enjoyable Considering It Was Two Issues Of Nothing But Talking--Iron Man 2.0 #3-4

Iron Man 2.0 #3-4
Nick Spencer knows when to let a lack of dialogue speak for itself, having the first five pages of Iron Man 2.0 #3 go by in absolute silence. It shows reflection, regret, and planning.

My Haul From Wednesday May 4th.

I haven't done a haul examination in awhile, where I look over the comics I picked up this week, and I got some good ones this time so why don't we do a run-down? I get to give a brief overview of what I've picked up and may be reviewing soon, and you get to laugh at my bad taste in comics if you don't agree with my selections.

Rant-Reviews--Kinda Bad, Pretty Mediocre, and Quite Good Comics.

We've got three comics, one sorta bad, one pretty average, and a good one. Green Arrow #10, X-23 #7, and Iron Man 2.0 #2. Did I list them in order of decency? You might just have to click the cut to find out...or I'll just tell you that yes, yes I did. You should read on anyways though, because you might enjoy hearing my thoughts.

An Intriguing Opening--Iron Man 2.0 #1

Iron Man 2.0 #1
James Rhodes gets another solo comic, this time as a military operative. Can the man who writes T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents bring us more dynamite? Well, this  certainly is a good start.

An Examination of War Machine Part 2--Black Heroes versus Heores who are Black AKA War Machine Volume 2: Dark Reign and U.S. War Machine.

War Machine Volume 2: Dark Reign and U.S. War Machine
Now I shall examine the more recent War Machine series and the Marvel-Max mini-series. I shall compare and contrast them, and talk about race in comics too. It should be a good time for all.

An Examination of War Machine Part 1--James Rhodes can't get a break AKA War Machine Volume 1: Iron Heart.

War Machine Volume 1: Iron Heart
I like James Rhodes aka Rhodey. He is an interesting character and a great person, as can be seen by how good a friend he is to other Marvel heroes like Tony Stark AKA Iron Man. Also, he is a man of color and there arguably isn't enough racial diversity in comics. That makes it all the more sad that this is Volume 1 of just 2, as this series re-boot was canceled with issue 12. Why? Let's examine...