Thursday, March 7, 2019

Cardi B and Bruno Mars Really Sound Like They Want to Have Sex

Look, just as I know Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper are not secretly humping despite what the internet thinks, I am aware Bruno Mars and Cardi B are most likely not dating, hooking-up, or whatever it is folk do these days. That said, they really sound horny for each other in their new erotic single, "Please Me." Between Bruno stating how he is, "Begging," to be teased and pleased along with Cardi stating, "Dinner reservations like the pussy, you gon' eat out," in addition to, "Hit it one time, make it levitate," directly at Bruno, I really feel like Bruno Mars and Cardi B want to have sex. I know it isn't logical as these are of course professional music artists simply singing and rapping a song together, but between just how desperate Bruno sounds when he goes, "Please!" and the way they look at each other in the music video, a part of me says, "Yeah, they're doing it," regardless how absurd it is.

This is all silly, Bruno Mars has been in a long-term relationship with a model named Jessica Caban for years now and Cardi B has expressed publicly how she is focused on raising her daughter, Kulture Kiari Cephus, since divorcing her former husband (and Kulture's father), the rapper known as Offset. It goes against all reason to think Bruno and Cardi are having intercourse together, but man if they aren't great at creating that kind of vibe with this latest song.

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