A Fun Writing ExerciseI try to be a good writer who expresses opinions that make sense. With that in mind, how about I do the opposite and write awful reviews of good movies, absolutely trashing classics new and old--with everyone fully aware I'm doing this tongue-in-cheek? Let's begin.
Goodness, where do I start with the problems with this movie? The entire plot involves this girl named Dorthy meeting a bunch of fellows with severe problems and they all hope that the titular Wizard can help them. Then, when they actually reach the macguffin that is driving the whole movie he turns out to be a big fraud and can't actually help anyone. It's a huge anticlimax and don't get me started on how the supposedly, "Good Witch," reveals to Dorthy at the end how our protagonist could have gone back home all along but was tricked into helping murder an evil ruler of a part of Oz (the Wicked Witch of the West) first. Sheer idiocy.
I really liked the opening of the movie, actually, and was excited when it looked like we would get to see how the park operated and functioned. Then they had to go and add this whole plot of an evil programmer sabotaging the park and causing it to begin descending into chaos. I personally would have been more interested in learning about everyday life in the park as opposed to dinosaurs rampaging around. At least, "Jurassic World," shows us a bit of that before it too falls into the same tropes as this stinker.
Okay, so in the first movie it was a huge struggle for some of these characters to just get across the street and now they're using the internet and just traveling all about? Also, what happened to those fun faux-outtakes Pixar used to do in their earlier films? I loved those and miss them. Epic fail.
Jeez, this movie is long. By the time we spend what feels like forever in Italy I was just zoning-out. Yeah, Marlon Brando is great, but when your movie feels like it is decades long even superb acting can only do so much. Also, the movie's pacing seems off at times being really dull with scene after scene of conversations before suddenly tons of overwhelming violence occurs. If this could shave an hour off its run-time maybe it would be watchable.
Almost the entirety of the movie is told in a series of flashbacks, which is so incredibly trite. Charles Foster Kane is a very difficult-to-like man and the more we learn about him the worse he sounds. Some of the supporting individuals are so much more interesting and Kane is just a bad man who desperately wants to be happy but fails at it, basically self-sabotaging so much it almost is darkly funny. At least, it would be humorous if this movie weren't so bleak and depressing.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Okay, now this is just fucking awesome. Shia LaBeouf is arguably the best young actor of our generation, the countless plot holes keep audiences guessing, and its got robots smashing stuff! Best movie ever.
Thank-you everybody for joining me in this little fun experiment. I hope everyone enjoys as the weather gets progressively more Fall-like!