Last year I wrote about how December 15th brings mixed feelings via a post that was itself titled, "Mixed Feelings." I find myself spending today with even more mixed feelings worth sharing...
It is now December 15th of 2022.
A year ago, today, my Bubbie was buried.
Three years ago, today, we lost our baby, Shalom Avalon Bitterbaum.
A number of years ago (but not too many) my mother, Ellen Burton, was born.
I am joyful for my mom's birthday, pleased to have many good friends, and so happy to be a parent to Clarkson with my wonderful wife, Samii.
I face sorrow that can be overwhelming thinking of those we've lost since December of 2019. There was a baby we hoped for but couldn't have. My Father-in-law, Matt. My Mother-in-Law Kim. My wife's Grandfather. My Aunt Martha. My Bubbie. It all kicks off on December 15th of those three years ago.
December 2019-December 2020 was the worst year ever between lost family and there was also COVID-19 screwing life up, don't forget that.
December 2020-2021 was all about rebuilding and refocusing while hard things happened but we persevered.
December 2021-2022 was about feeling something that isn't necessarily a sense of recovery, but feeling like I and other loved ones are finally in a better place about the past, present, and hoping for a brighter future.
I continue to have mixed feelings every year on this day. All I can do is continue to heal and grow as a person. That's the goal, at least.