Article On Fancy Hands AKA Why Am I Not Good Enough For You?

Update 4/9/18:
I was actually reached-out to by someone at Fancy Hands near the end of the previous month, but due to now being a stay-at-home dad and how busy that can make me I told them I was unable to join the company now, but appreciated the offer.

So, you maybe have heard of Fancy Hands. It is a website/service where people pay a monthly fee and can get a number of tasks they post-up for random strangers to do who freelance for Fancy Hands. Perhaps someone wants to cancel their cable, make a reservation at the most popular Italian restaurant in Cleveland, book a hotel room, etc. Essentially if you are wealthy enough you can do this service to have stuff done for you that would take too much of your wealthy-person time.

Now, as I said, people can work for Fancy Hands in a freelance manner where you log-on to the site, see tasks that need doing and get anywhere between $3-$7 for doing a task. As our son will hopefully be coming home from the NICU super-soon my wife and I imagine we will have a lot of time spent at home in the evening and on weekends. Therefore, I figured I could apply to work for Fancy Hands and do that in my free-time to get a little extra spending money. That way I could buy some more comics, get my wife and I a treat at Dairy Queen, something like that. I mean, how hard could it be to get approved by Fancy Hands?

I was rejected, twice.

I do not want to brag as there are tons of people much smarter than me. However, I did graduate with my Bachelor's of Science with a 4.0 GPA, I have a Master's Degree in Public Health from the highly respected Washington University, I write often enough I have a a good grasp of the English language and proper grammar (your versus you're as well as to, two, and too trip everyone up), and thanks to my moving around a lot when I was growing-up I never developed a particular accent and speak clear, concise English. Also, I am a great conversationalist and can actually stand calling AT&T when we need help with our service. I personally feel I am a skilled, smart, people-person who has the writing and speaking abilities necessary to help someone set-up a dentist appointment. You know what Fancy Hands said after I took their grammar test, supplied audio of me speaking, and answered sample questions however? They said, "Fuck you, David, you aren't good enough for us!"

Look, I know there are plenty of ways to make a little extra scratch, and I'm sure a number of other side-gigs would be happy to utilize me. That said, some part of me is just really insulted that Fancy Hands has said no to me twice, because if I did everything right and exceed all their qualifications, what else do I have to do to get approved? Do I need to get that PhD I've always considered? Perhaps I should send them an extra-long audio sample of me pronouncing really difficult words? Hell, maybe I can just send them an edible arrangement with a note politely begging for them to reconsider me as if we were feuding lovers?

Seriously, Fancy Hands, I don't know what you want from me. I gave you my all, twice, and I never would have thought something I was just planning to do in my spare time to get a little extra moolah would be harder to get approved by than anything else I've ever encountered. Just tell me what you want, Fancy Hands, and I'll do it! This isn't even just about the supplemental income anymore, it is about proving to you that I'm good enough to cancel a dog-grooming appointment, tell someone if they can practice law in another state without taking the Bar again, and order catering for a meeting. I don't like rejection, but I can accept it when it happens. I just never thought you would reject me Fancy Hands, because I'm clearly a great person to have in your corner!

Clearly I'm kinda upset about the whole thing but will get over it. We as humans have to understand that sometimes we will fail, and learn from that failure so we can succeed in the future. It still stings though, and I really wonder if sending an edible arrangement might help...

Graphic Novel Review--"Liberty: Deception."

When I attended Wizard World Saint Louis recently I actually talked with the folk behind the comic, "Liberty: Deception," but didn't mention them in any posts as I completely forgot to take their information (fliers, etc.) which is how I always keep track of the people I interact with at cons. However, I had given them my card so when they reached-out to me about if I'd like to have a digital copy of, "Liberty: Deception," sent over for the purposes I review I gave them my standard spiel about how I'll express an honest opinion about the comic that may upset them but would otherwise welcome the chance to read some good indie-publisher stuff (I'm reading so, so much less of Marvel and DC  lately and love good independent works more and more). Hence, a digital copy was provided and I delved into, "Liberty: Deception." What were my thoughts? Read on and find out, obviously!

An Uncomfortably Possible Premise (Besides the Sci-Fi Parts)

"Liberty: Deception," centers its story on a man named Tertulius Justus, an investigator for the Government of the terraformed planet Atrian. Justus is famed for his incredible combat skills, amazing deductive mind, and ability to make any lady swoon in seduced delight. Except, that is all a complete lie. Justus actually was just some underachieving kid who was given-over to the totalitarian Government by his parents in the hope he would have a better life. After that, the Planet's Government (controlled by the mysterious Archon Reeve who helped Atrian become as successful as it supposedly is) concocted an elaborate back-story for, "Justus," and made-up countless lies about his fighting for the people of Atrian when in fact all the television shows and stories about his exploits are utterly fake--he's just some actor pretending to be a planetary-hero.

There is something that feels uncomfortably possible about the idea that someone could be used by an evil Government as little more than a piece of propaganda, with their lies helping keeping the populace subdued and willing to ignore just how few rights they have because they are at least sufficiently entertained. This sort of thing has undoubtedly happened in a number of countries and the United States has had its own accusations of being dominated by politically-motivated media that is, "Fake news," as some say. I'm sure the team behind, "Liberty: Deception," had been working on it long before things got the way they currently are politically, but it just so happens their book has come out at a disturbingly perfect time that what once would have seemed far-fetched now feels nauseatingly conceivable.

It Only Gets Stranger!

This disturbingly realistic idea immediately hooked me into the story and it only got stranger as Justus is suddenly fired from his job and then abducted with the plan clearly being to murder him--the story hints that the shadowy Government perhaps worries their star is becoming a bit too beloved. This takes our story to the prison where Justus was going to be killed before all the guards realize who he is and figure he must be doing a deep-cover assignment (a lie which Justus is only too happy to further). From that point on Justus assembles a group with some other actual convicts and they make their way out of the prison to the no-man's land known as the Fringe.

I enjoyed watching Justus and his rag-tag team escape from prison, but right as things got really interesting with more of the Government's motivations revealed and everyone making it to the miserable place known as the Fringe, the book reached its end until the next one comes out! This was a real downer as while I enjoy a good prison-break story I found myself even more interested in all the secret corruption and how God-awful the Fringe looked. In the story itself Justus states he knows he has zero clue how to survive out in the Fringe as all the stories about him are lies, so I especially would have loved to see more of how this faux-hero struggles when he actually has to fight for survival.

More Cool Content

Thankfully, my thirst for more content set in the world of, "Liberty: Deception," can be sated as the good folk behind the comic actually also do in-continuity podcasts which tell cool stories about this sci-fi Universe. Plus, they also have a free role-playing game fans can do to create their own snazzy adventures! I personally like that this story isn't simply limited to a comic but exists in multiple formats for people to enjoy, as I am of course someone who loves creative concepts like this!

I greatly enjoyed reading, "Liberty: Deception," even if I found myself a bit perturbed that right when it really was getting going the story had to end on its cliff-hanger of wondering what the team will do next (or if they'll even survive in the Fringe long enough to make a plan). That said, I would rate, "Liberty: Deception," as a highly enjoyable...
4 out of 5 stars.

A digital copy of, "Liberty: Deception," was provided for the purposes of review.

Important Reminder: Free Comic Book Day is Saturday

I'm 99% sure if you read my blog you already know this, but this Saturday is Free Comic Book Day! That's right, May 6th, 2017 is when you can go to any comic shop taking part in the event (which almost all are) and get special comics created just for this day. A variety of stores commemorate this awesome occasion through a number of methods such as sales, having comic-creators present, or even free food and live bands.

I for one am extremely excited for Free Comic Book Day (as always) and am eager to enjoy it!

"Life Ends on Mars #1" Review

While I do of course enjoy doing my capsule reviews I will sometimes spotlight a single issue of a comic that particularly tickles my fancy or perturbs me with its terrible quality. Well, I have a single issue of a new comic I want to discuss and it is for positive reasons of my really loving it! The comic is the debut issue of, "Life Ends on Mars."

Readers of the blog may recall I mentioned picking-up this comic from Aging Monsters Press and that I was eager to read it. The concept sounded really cool to me and it thankfully reads as well as the premise. Basically the idea is that it is the future and Earth is quite ruined. All the port cities have ended-up underwater because we as a planet couldn't stop our destructive tendencies and now it's up to big business conglomerates to save us all with an effort to terraform Mars. Yeah, it already sounds like we're doomed if the potential for salvation is in the hands of corporate stockholders.

Nova Mundi is the name of the corporation, and it has a number of astronauts and scientists who are working for it at making Mars habitable because Earth has maybe 30, 40 years at most left before the whole damn planet is an unlivable cesspool. After a prologue that takes place towards the end of the story and hints everything went terribly wrong, there is a cool scene where two scientists talk about how all the old movies take place in cities that no longer exist. It is a depressing and stark reminder that if we don't get our act together in the present day this sci-fi concept of trying to colonize another planet could very well end-up having to be considered.

From there on we see the scientists trying to make Mars friendly to human life arguing with corporate and struggling to get things working without the storms from their newly created atmospheres destroying the very tech making a potentially breathable air. After that we witness a conference call and start seeing hints of how something is horribly amiss on Mars as clearly some people wind up missing and probably dead.

The guys over at Aging Monsters Press know how to make a solid first issue of a comic. It establishes the setting, gives us plot, introduces an assortment of characters, and hints at lots of death and destruction commencing soon. Too often I have read a first issue of a book that fails to grab me because it lacks these elements or is horribly decompressed and slow to actually get going. "Life Ends on Mars," thankfully both gives us lots of information and moves the plot along at a good pace that kept me engaged. The artwork was great as well, showing a clear and clean design that matched the futuristic theme. and the coloring fits delightfully too.

"Life Ends on Mars #1" is a fantastic read and one I would recommend purchasing it! It was a good sci-fi story with a dash of horror and I'm eager to see just how bad things get for everyone on Mars!
5 out of 5 stars.

Note: A copy of, "Life Ends on Mars #1 was provided for the purposes of review with the understanding that if I hated it I would say so too (I always warn publishers I'll be blunt).

Some Cool Links As the End of April Approaches

April Showers...

April showers of course are supposed to bring May flowers and all that jazz. Well, we've had plenty of April showers where I live so I hope one of my favorite upcoming months (May) brings with it plenty of beautiful foliage, pleasant weather, and general good times. Before May arrives however how about I share some various links that I found interesting/worth showing to my readers.

Links!

If I may start with a political thought, fuck Donald Trump and his absurd claims that his (nearly) first 100 days has been anything but a mess and a shit-show.

I'm already a fan of Warren Ellis but this primer on his well-known work as well as lesser-read stuff is a solid read.

Apparently, "The Sims 4," can be made really, really raunchy if you have the right mods (note that the linked article contains computer-generated nudity).

I've been listening to Kendrick Lamar's latest album, "DAMN." and it illusrtates how he continues to be an artist that pretty much nobody living (outside of maybe Andre 3000) could hope to match in skill, lyricism, and general raw talent. He's announced concert dates too and that is a tour I'd be eager to go see.

Just what does, "Secret Emprie," have to say? Is it simply a mess or is there something concrete to take away from what has been released so far?

I haven't actually seen any since the very first, "Fast and the Furious," but there is something incredibly impressive about the eighth(!) movie in the franchise being a massive success. People debate and argue what the secret to its profitability is, but I think the movie just appeals to a wide-range of folk. There is a diverse cast, lots of action,and it is full of jokes and a bit self-aware. It has gorgeous women and incredibly attractive men for everyone to enjoy as eye-candy, and basically it is a box-office juggernaut of a franchise with the only thing to kinda compare being the Marvel Cinematic Universe and its flicks. I ought to catch-up on the series sometime, maybe.

I love, "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," and this video discussing one person's interpretation of how it has managed to stay funny all these years is pretty interesting.

This article on how Queer British artists would express concepts of desire through linguistic codes and other methods to avoid persecution is a great read.

"Ghost Recon: Wildlands," is apparently a beautiful-looking game stuck in the rut of testosterone-filled juvenile power-fantasies.

This article discusses how Franklin from the famous and beloved comic-strip, "Peanuts," helped break the color-barrier in newspaper comics...but then unfortunately didn't do much else of note.

I loved the movie, "Brick," by director Rian Johnson (as well as his movie, "Looper!") and am always happy to see people talking about it, even if it is now in reference to the latest film he is directing, the upcoming, "Star Wars," film, which will probably get millions more viewers than, "Brick," despite its excellence.

Lastly, it is both reassuring and terrifying to think that an actual Doomsday device could have humanity's best interests at heart/designed into it, but one made by Russia in the 1980's has been created just that way, as this fascinating piece covers.

Eager For the May Flowers

As I said, I'm excited for May and all the good things it brings. I hope you enjoyed reading these links and that your April experience concludes smoothly as well!

I Made a Fiverr Gig to Sell My Comics!

I of course have too many comics. I also have a baby (our little Clarkson) who hopefully will be coming home before too long. Selling stuff on eBay is a slog and if you take your old comics to a place like Half Price Books they'll give you maybe a nickel or dime per book if you're lucky. Therefore, I thought it made sense to offer to sell random comics to people via popular, "Gig," website Fiverr. I get to make a small profit and I know my comics are going to be enjoyed by someone!

You can check out my Fiverr gig here and if you want to have me mail you some random comics I'm more than happy to do so!

The Last 48 Hours of Actions by DC and Marvel Have Been Comically Offensive

Okay, seriously, what the fuck is going on with DC and Marvel? Right as I start thinking DC is looking peachy-keen compared to, "People don't care about diversity," comments from Marvel (now with additional hidden antisemitic and anti-Christian artwork that to their credit Marvel swiftly addressed), DC goes and announces, "Dark Matter." I know what you might be thinking, "Oh that sounds like a fun space-based event," but it actually is a move toward diversity--like, more characters of color...and it is called, "Dark Matter," which not only sounds vaguely offensive but also is referencing a theoretical matter that doesn't exist (possibly) so what does that even say as well?

Plus, the creators are all men, and about 10 of the 11 of them are Caucasian too, so we may be getting more diversity in regards to the characters we see but the spinners of these yarns will still be predominantly white dudes. Oh, and when someone brought up gender to a panel of DC creators at C2E2 John Romita Jr.  talked about how he wasn't working on, "any transgenders," as of yet in his stories. In regards to the transgender individuals I know and call a friend I'm 100% sure they do not appreciate being referred to as, "Transgenders," in the same way some other friends of mine feel it is derogatory to say something like, "Oh, he/she is a gay."

"Hail Hyrda, who totally are not Nazis, right?"

This would look bad for DC and probably usually get more headlines, but to their luck Marvel is asking comic-shop employees to dress-up like Nazis. Oh, wait, sorry, dress-up like Hyrda members, who are totally different from Nazi's despite for the history of Marvel comics usually being shown as exactly the same as Nazis and being led by a Nazi known as the Red Skull. Seriously though, it is cool guys, these are like a whole separate branch of Hyrda unrelated to the Nazis despite having Nazi-like ideals, oh and Captain America has been a secret member all along because the Allies actually lost World War II but used the cosmic cube to change history into the one we know now, but truthfully the Nazi's won World War II and Cap was a Nazi all along before any secret reality changes and I need to stop now because the stupidity of this is hurting my head.

Obviously, when you ask people to dress-up like, "Not-quite Nazis," to promote your comic such an idea is going to be met with a mixture of disgust, revulsion, and other synonyms for reactions to grossly stupid ideas that you think someone, anyone at Marvel would have realized sounds bad on paper and in practice as well--its a fail all-around. DC just made some questionable moves, but I think Marvel still took the cake for bringing upon itself another batch of bad press for an idea that just makes me do a facepalm, as the kids call it.

The Admirable Workmanship of Fat Joe

When you ask people to talk about the greatest rappers of all time certain names are often thrown-out. We will doubtlessly hear, "Tupac," and when it comes to newer rappers, "Kendrick Lamar," gets name-dropped too. There is a subset of people who will argue without end, "Andre 3000," and I'm one of them (Big Boi is of course superb as well). One person who seems to often be forgotten in talks about great rappers is someone who has been around for decades and has an admirable work-ethic as proven by his illustrious discography. I'm talking about Fat Joe.

From the early 1990's on the protege of Big Pun has been an interesting presence. In the 90's and earlier 2000's he was around a lot, releasing a number of singles and getting into a high-profile rap-beef with then-newer rapper 50 Cent (they later resolved it). His 2001 album, "Jealous Ones Still Envy," was pure fire with hot track after hot track, but I'm one of maybe 10-ish people who bought, "Loyalty." Once 2010 hit however Joe kind of faded from the spotlight a bit, but not completely, instead doing something else.

Fat Joe does something I like to call, "Groundhogging." I think I've created this term, and it basically means everyone forgets about you for awhile, but suddenly every once in awhile a ton of attention comes your way because you do something important, and then you return to your burrow for a good amount of time to work on something else before emerging again to draw all the eyes. Since 2010 Joe seems to have been doing this, disappearing for awhile only to suddenly turn-up and fill the airwaves with stuff like, "All the Way Up," or a song currently dominating the radio, "Money Showers." He hasn't had his own solo album since the aforementioned year of 2010 but finally released a new LP titled, "Plata O Plomo," done in collaboration with fellow wordsmith Remy Ma.  Also, despite being known as, "Fat Joe," he has lost a lot of weight since at one point being 350 pounds, and as someone who has struggled with their own weight I admire his dedication to that too, because damn is it hard not eating all the delicious-but-bad-for-you foods.

Fat Joe may be overlooked by many when discussing the best rappers, but I feel that is a bit unfair. The man may not always be out there demanding attention, but that is because he is engaging in groundhogging--coming out when he has something to show us, but otherwise hiding away to create his sonic delights. Joe doesn't need your constant compliments because with his workmanship he knows that when he emerges from seclusion you'll doubtlessly want to admire his work. I know I do.

Unicorn Frappuccino Review Because If the World Is Ending At Least We Have Colorful Drinks

The Unicorn Frappuccino exists and people don't really care what it tastes like because the whole purpose of the drink is to take a picture of yourself holding it and looking like what kids call, "Basic," as in, "Look at that basic bitch with his/her Unicorn Frappuccino." Well, I must be basic because there I am above smiling like a doofus. It is very colorful, with its bright pink and light blue that mixes into a deep purple, but how does the thing actually taste? Well, "Sour birthday cake and shame," actually isn't too far off. If the world is ending (nuclear war seems uncomfortably possible lately) at least we have colorful drinks that taste weird.

Before you mix it the drink just tastes like sugary milk, honestly. The key is to mix it up at which point something interesting happens--it suddenly tastes a lot better. Once mixed into each other the sour blue syrup, pink powder, mango mix, and milk combined with the whipped cream gives everything a taste not too unlike an Orange Julius. It's frothy, sweet, and a bit tart. I wouldn't describe it as anything amazing flavor-wise, however (this is strictly just above-average) but I would still try it again maybe during this brief period of time you can even buy a Unicorn Frappuccino--after April 23rd it theoretically is gone forever or until public demand brings it back. In summary I would rate it as...
Visually/Aesthetically: 5 out of 5 stars.
Taste: 3 out of 5 stars.

I Do Love Those Shiny Retailer-Appreciation Variant Covers from Image Comics

Shiny text? Yah!

I've at times both been critical of marketing-gimmicks (DC's 3-D covers continue to just seem lame to me and Villain's Month was a fiasco) and found them fun too. That said, even though novelty covers sometimes make cynical ol' me all cranky, I must confess I really love those shiny retailer-appreciation variant covers Image has been doing. Generally limited to one-per-store, I've always asked my local comic shop nicely if it would be possible to have a shiny variant whenever one comes out if no one else requests it. Some stores sell those shiny-variants for extra money but my folk always sell it at cover-price to me because they are awesome.

I don't know what it is about these shiny-covers that I fancy so much, but they just look really cool. I mean, not even the entire cover has a gloss to it with these variants, just the title of the comic. Still, something about it just super-appeals to me and having all the covers with their gorgeous shimmer sitting on my shelf just looks delightful. I hope to continue to get shiny covers so that I can display them proudly/find a way to harness their power and take over the world (whichever is easier). It may be a gimmick, but its a gimmick that is good-looking and classy enough that I quite like it.