Sunday, November 6, 2011

Horror Movies, Battlefield 3, And The Quirkiest Comic I've Read

Let Us Begin
It's been a bit since I posted, so sorry if you've been patiently waiting. I hope to actually get a few posts up sooner than later however, so if that works out everyone should be happy.

Anyways, today I'm going to talk about some horror movies I watched and re-watched for Halloween (I always watch scary flicks on that holiday) and how one was bad and one continues to be pretty good. After that I'm going to discuss a game I've been enjoying playing called Battlefield 3 (I've been playing the console version, PS3 to be exact). Lastly, I'm going to discuss one of the quirkier comics lately that I've read, Spaceman #1 by the superstar team of Brian Azzarello and Eduardo Risso.

Horror and just Horrible
I watched two horror films for Halloween. I viewed for the first time the ninth movie in the Friday The 13th series which is inexplicably named, "Jason Goes to Hell," and, "A New Nightmare." I'd seen the latter a few times and like it quite a bit for reasons that will be discussed, but, "Jason Goes To Hell," was just an utter mess/train-wreck/abomination of a movie.
The movie starts in a way that is actually kind of promising. The idea is that people have wised up to the fact that maybe it would make sense to quit letting this guy with a huge machete keep killing kids and instead just obliterate him. This leads to an opening where Jason is tricked into being utterly shot up by an FBI task force and then blown into pieces. It's pretty cool actually. Sadly, it all goes horribly downhill from there.

You see, apparently Jason can possess people now and after his heart hypnotizes someone into eating it (you read that right) the new Jason sets off to....well, here's where things get quite strange. You see, Jason apparently had a sister we NEVER, EVER heard of in all the other movies, and this one bounty hunter guy knows all this and how to kill Jason for reasons that are NEVER EVER explained because, hey, movies!
For some reason this guy knows everything to advance the plot of the movie. Why? Who knows?
So Jason has to possess this sibling, her daughter, or the daughter's baby. Because the blood of a relative can something-something. The plot makes zero sense, and almost none of the characters are people worth caring about. The movie also tries to be funny at the worst times when this series has not been one for humor...ugh.

How's the violence and gore though for people who like that? Well, there is some violence and such so you get slashing and whatnot. Plus, there is the required T&A with barely-legal teens having sex before Jason of course butchers them (teens never should have sex in horror movies, ever). There isn't anything that clever in terms of how Jason kills people though, like in one of the Friday's where he makes an RV crash. Now that was boss.
Jason--Doesn't Approve of Premarital Sex.
This was a disappointing movie and I wouldn't recommend watching it at all. Now, A New Nightmare is a whole 'nother story. Why? Well, it's sort of the 7th movie but different too as it takes place in the, "real world," as it were. You see, in this movie Wes Craven appears as himself and The Nightmare on Elm Street movies are just that, movies. The man who played Freddy, Robert Englund, is around too just being a nice guy like he is in actual life. The thing is, they are making a new Nightmare on Elm Street movie and weird things have been happening.
Long story short, Freddy is trying to get into the real world and Heather (who played Nancy in the original movie) is pretty much screwed. Then, cool meta-fiction shenanigans ensue and despite a slightly weak ending a good movie is had even with acting that is a bit over-the-top as is standard in horror flicks. This is a bit more mature and grown-up than other horror films though, having talk of concepts of stories that can think instead of showing lots of boobies. It's a good film.
Jason Goes To Hell: 1 out of 5 stars.
A New Nightmare: 4 out of 5 stars.

Good Fun, Just Ditch The Single-Player Mode--Battlefield 3
Gather round young un's and hear the tale of the Battlefield games. They started out on the PC and were good fun. You played in huge areas against a lot of people shooting and running, flying and driving, it was quite a gas. Well, then to compete with the "Modern Warfare" games that everyone loved they made a version of Battlefield that tacked on a single-player mode.

Boy, was that single-player mode God-awful. I mean, I barely made it through much of it even if the story everyone else made fun of looked a little neat to me. The way the enemies just seemed to always know where you were and shoot expertly was unbelievably annoying, and it was no fun at all. Don't worry though, my little ones, there was still multiplayer, and it was a hoot--even with a caveat.

You see, they put the Battlefield 3 on consoles too, and even though PCs with their fancy equipment could run the best graphics and have up to 64 or such players on a map, the consoles could only have 24--I believe. It was okay though, as the developers were smart and adjusted things for this. Now, before it sounds like this era of Battlefield 3 was all peachy-keen, I have to tell you children of something sad. Something dark and evil, a play-pass.

You see, with a Playstation 3 the idea is you can play online for free, but EA in their infinite wisdom didn't want people who bought Battlefield 3 used or rented it to get to play the multiplayer without coughing up some money, so they created an online pass for 9-ish dollars. Yes, it was a twisted, evil thing that stood in the way of getting to the sweet, sweet multiplayer for those of us who didn't want to spend 60 bucks on the game and just wanted to rent it, but life's a bitch and then you die. Don't tell your mother I swore.

Anyways, as you all can see Battlefield 3 was a genuinely fun time to be had, and the time it was out before the new Modern Warfare was an interesting number of weeks. Perhaps sometime I'll tell you kids about what it was like when Modern Warfare came out and the games ended up facing off in the marketplace--as it were. Sometime, but not tonight, get to bed.
4 out of 5 stars.

A Grounded Astronaut--Spaceman #1
From the team that brought you 100 bullets we get a new nine-issue mini-series with a debut issue that just costs one dollar. It's easily worth a dollar, heck, it'll be worth the 3 when its a full series I'd say. Why? Because this is just one interestingly quirky comic. It's not really funny or silly, but its not quite dark and depressing. It's about an interesting future with a man who was made in lab to go to mars and now collects salvage. His name is Orson and he's a nice fellow.

There's also some other interesting plot stuff going on that should make for a cool story and Risso turns in killer art as always while Azzarello does a good job writing with a unique future-slang that seems to be something like today's web-gibberish if people spoke it aloud. It's all really good stuff and I'll be back for a second helping, no doubt.
4.5 out of 5 stars.

Shut It Down
To end this post, Horror movies can be awful in a good way or just awful, but they can also be pretty good in general too. Battlefield 3 has some multiplayer fun awaiting those who buy it or are willing to cough up the extra scratch, but avoid the single-player for it unless you just want to more disappointed than a Republican trying to find a Presidential candidate they like who is also actually electable (zing!). Lastly, buy and read Spaceman #1 because it's just a dollar and quite delightful.

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