Christmas Eve, the Worst Time to Stop by the Store

Not my Walmart, but a good approximation.

Unless you really need something, Christmas Eve is not a good time to stop by the store. I ran to Walmart today to get some last-minute items and thankfully didn't have to go inside as we had car pick-up, but things were still crazy. Swarms of folks were running into all the stores in the plaza with Walmart especially being a mess. Cars were darting around too, running stop signs, and I'm surprised nobody was hurt during the time I was pulling in and out of the area. Anyways, look out if you go to any stores on Christmas Eve. If you don't watch out you might get run over by someone or possibly a car. Be safe, in other words!

Walmart, Ratio Variants, and Madness

Okay, it has been an odd week when it comes to comic books and that infamous evil empire, Walmart. I'll try and break it down a bit.

Basically, every quarter or so Walmart releases comic packs from DC and Marvel. The Marvel ones usually have a variant cover of a popular comic with the, "Variant," being unique cover artwork or a change in the color of the title's text. There are two other comics in there and they usually are just random filler stuff, sometimes a cool second printing variant of a title, but nothing too wild. That changed with the latest round of packs.

People picking up the latest Walmart comic packs were getting the usual variant you saw on the front of the pack, but then they were pulling ratio variants that were supposed to be very rare. 1:50, 1:100, 1:1000, store exclusives, creator exclusives, things that shouldn't be in these packs. Someone in a factory really messed up. Bleedingcool has given it the somewhat unimaginative name of, "VariantGate," but sure, we can call it that. Is this the fault of Diamond, liquidating old Marvel comics because soon they won't even be dealing in Marvel comics besides as a wholesale option in the near future? Is this Marvel's fault for printing an excess of certain covers to have in place in the case of damages and some boxes of rare ratio variants that were supposed to be put aside got inserted in packs? I don't know who is to blame here, but it is a mess. 

People pay a lot for these supposedly rare ratio variants and suddenly some seem kinda worthless. It shows how the whole, "Ratio variant," market is kind of a scam that could very well lead to the next comic-market implosion like in the 1990s, but I digress. Walmarts have been full with folks trying to get these packs and I will disclose I was able to get some before the news really started trending about these. All my packs lacked anything of note. Considering how rapidly these variants could fall in value if the market floods with them you should flip them if you got them!

Target No Longer Will Cary Trading Cards Soon

Because this is a World where we can't have nice things without people messing it up, Target will be halting its sales of trading cards (in-store) as of May 14th. This seems like it will for sure apply to Pokemon cards and sports cards, maybe Magic and other stuff too. This comes on the heels of Walmart planning on stopping selling these trading cards in-store due to how it has just caused a lot of arguments, fights, and disruptions. A Wisconsin Target had an incident recently in the store's parking lot where a man pulled out a gun and threatened others over sports cards. Now, people can still buy cards online or at dedicated comic and game stores, but some regions lack these kinds of physical locations (with buying via the internet sometimes being a battle against bots too).

I'm not actively involved in collecting trading cards associated with any games or sports but have friends who are and when they can't get to a store dedicated to cards Walmart or Target was useful for them. Now they'll lack that option due to people being extra stupid lately about cards and trading card games. It is such a shame.

If I Were A Super-Villain My Evil Plan Would Go Kinda Like This...

I was thinking the other day about how I an not a super-villain, and I have zero desire to be one. That said, if I did want to be a super-villain, I do have the best evil plan ever. To see what I mean, please refer to the super-detailed and complicated drawing I did above and then read on...

Basically, my dastardly plan is to purchase a vacant strip mall on a little hill and then at opposite sides of it install a Walmart and Trader Joe's. These two establishments are notorious for having some of the worst parking lots ever, so between the slight incline that is just steep enough to cause trouble and these two businesses at separate ends of my parking lot there is sure to be mass mayhem, confusion, and otherwise lots of people honking their horns and cursing with displeasure. I am not doing this evil plan simply to cause trouble however--I am not some chaotic evil person who just wants to, "Watch the World burn."

An actual Trader Joe's parking lot.
Just picture this multiplied by a Walmat lot!

No, I am doing this plan because the inevitable news stories and memes about this, "Worst parking lot ever," will allow me to get famous and in the process score all kinds of sponsorship deals as the super-villain America loves to hate. With this money I will then donate most of it to charity so that in the ultimate twist I am a super-villain and super-hero at the same time, allowing me to both cackle with evil glee at the turmoil in my parking lot from my perch to the side (as pictured) and still feel like I'm doing good in the World. Also, with the bit of money I do keep I'll go buy some more, "Everything but the bagel," seasoning at the Trader Joe's in my plaza because that stuff is delicious.

Direct Market Woes, Comic-Books at Big-Name Retailers, and the Gruesome Murder of Lois Lane...Wait, What?

Troubling news and possibly a forewarning?

Excuse my mouthful of a headline, but it encompasses a variety of news that has occurred lately and which all weirdly ties together a bit. Basically, there has been more and more discussion of how the Direct Market method of comic-book selling seems to be slowly sapping the life away from the industry itself (to summarize the Direct Market: Comic-stores get a deep discount on all the comics they order ahead of time, but are unable to return them, making it a bit of a dangerous guessing-game if there aren't enough customers who have said in advance what they would like to buy). Combination-retailer-and-journalist Brian Hibbs has written about his concerns before with this 4-decades-old system and is getting especially alarmed as he expressed in his latest column.

In my interactions with assorted owners of comic-books stores I have found that many have expressed to me that they are getting to a point where they basically order what their customers with pull-lists/reservations inform the store they want, and then a minimal number of extraneous stuff (besides the most popular-comics) lest they get stuck with a ton of inventory that just sits on the shelves till they have to resort to big sales/throwing a ton of stuff in dollar-bins, losing a bunch of money overall. The Direct Market has been a growing concern for years, but things seem to be heading towards a tipping-point. If the market is fundamentally broken however, what can be done? One idea seems to be showing Lois Lane graphically murdered for 12 pages.

Keep in mind this comic is geared towards kids and general readers.
This is the first page. The first damn page.

Okay, that last sentence probably threw you off, so let me explain. DC has been releasing these big mega-comics at Walmart which contain some reprinted stories as well as a bit of new material to entice regular comic-readers to pick up the books too. They usually are near check-out lanes with other random stuff like snacks and trading cards, put there to encourage folk who don't normally read comics to pick them up and give them a flip-through, or hand them to a friend/relative--e.g., "My nephew Timmy loves super-heroes, I'll get him this as a surprise!" This make it odd how in the latest issue, "Superman Giant #7," it contains a story where the first-page is Lex Luthor demanding Lois Lane beg for her life as she defiantly says how Superman will arrive soon to save her. Upon her refusing to beg Luthor brutally shoots her in the head. It is then revealed the comic is about Superman being away from home and worrying about all the terrible things that could happen to Lois without him nearby to protect her from his enemies--so that scene readers just witnessed was a morbid day-dream of sorts. The comic then proceeds to showcase all the terrible ways Lois could die, essentially being a 12-page snuff-comic.

This opening tale is written by Tom King, whom I have repeatedly said can write both amazing stuff and things that make you go, "What the Hell?" King just recently defended the story as being a way to show vulnerability and stress in regards to Superman or such, which is all well and good, but maybe doing that via scenes of theoretical vicious murder isn't the best choice in a comic geared toward general-readers and kids. Here's the thing though, if the Direct Market results in many comic-shops suffering decreasing sales and possibly closing, we may end-up with less options for purchasing comics if someone is a consumer who likes to go to a comic-shop (many areas lack even one, after all), and besides buying stuff online folk may very well only be able to buy their comics at Walmart. That, or pick-up weird tie-in books for new toys being released exclusively at Target--although the creative team on that, "Primal Age," comic (Marv Wolfman is involved, to name one person) is pretty impressive considering its a tie-in to Funko-brand toys that look kind of like He-Man rejects.

Does a dark future await our beloved comic-book shops?

I do not know what future awaits physical comic-books. Will the Direct Market be tweaked into something workable or will it have to be burned-down to the ground for something better to emerge? Could a worst-case scenario occur where the potential end of the Direct Market leads to the shuttering of countless comic-shops and people end-up having trouble finding comics anywhere but big-box retailers or online comic-shops? Regardless of what occurs, what kind of comic is appropriate to showcase Lois Lane being repeatedly tortured and killed--besides the obvious answer being: Most likely none of them, because 12 pages of that sounds like bit much. The Direct Market's clock may very well be running-out, and I can only hope when it does reach its deadline that it has a more peaceful ending than the ones imagined by Superman for Lois Lane in, "Giant Superman #7."