Monday, September 19, 2011

Rant-Reviews--A Smattering Of Week-Old (Or So) Comics That I Am A Funny Jerk To

It's nearly the newest week of DC comics, and I still have a bunch from the first week (well, I guess second, if you want to count the week just Justice League #1 came out as the first)! I ought to say my thoughts on various things from DC, and why not some Marvel stuff too? Also, I'm going to be silly.

Stormwatch #1
This is decently entertaining, with the moon threatening to destroy Earth, everyone does some fun quips, and it's sort of explained how the ret-con of Wildstorm-Universe characters existing in the normal DC Universe happened (it seems this bunch have been operating in secret, hence them not being involved in all those DC events in continuity that still "count". I was satisfied by this comic, I guess you could say.

The thing is, if DC wanted to just shove the Wildstorm-Universe into the DC one like a mad scientist trying to get a cat and a dog to have sex, this would be the result. It'd be violent, kind of messy, and sort of make you wonder why the hell Martian Manhunter is involved. Yeah, he's helping the mad scientist force the cat and dog to get it on in that scenario too. If that sounds like weird fan-fiction, that essentially is what his appearance is here in Stormwatch. "Let's throw in a mainstream DC-Universe character and show how cool he is!" and so forth. I'm being a little harsh though, as I said, I was entertained. Also, the mad scientist is not writer Paul Cornell, he is doing a good job. The scientist is DC. Cornell is just a lab assistant making the best of what he can. Then again aren't we all when it comes to jobs like that?
3 out of 5 stars.

The Punisher #3
Hm, let me double-check this. Yup, it's an issue-long fight scene with some other stuff interspersed, but still little more than stabbing, blood, and weird green-spit that apparently is acidic because it makes vapors. I would bitch about this, but Checchetto makes such nice art I wouldn't care if this issue were The Punisher shooting old ladies in the face who exchange their pain-killer medication with each other when one of the elderly gals runs out. Yeah, that's illegal, and The Punisher will handle that with extreme prejudice. Is it weird that a comic where the Punisher shoots an old woman in the face sounds more appealing to me than having to read another page of Fear Itself? Yeah, I quit that series. Thank God this has nothing to do with it. This was mediocre but looked good.
2.5 out of 5 stars.

Hulk #38
The Red Hulk barely appears this issue, it is mostly the new Modok (we have a new one?) facing off against some computer-image woman and realizing they have the same goal, then saying he loves her. I thought I loved a woman once, but then she told me it would be sixty dollars for the hour so I yelled, "Trick, you said fourty-five! You can go to Hell!" Trust me when I tell you that story was more interesting than this issue. Maybe the fact it ties in to the aforementioned Fear Itself is what really dragged this series down. This is an old issue though, I think we're on #40 or something, but I quit with this issue, because I'm poor, and it's not from the sex-workers, it's the schooling I'm getting and its cost. I'm just glad I have that nest egg of investments in UBS to fall back on. Wait, what scandal? How much in losses? Oh SHIT!
2 out of 5 stars.

Batwing #1
I couldn't tell if the end of this comic was taking place in the past or present, the plotting was so shoddy. Judd Winick can be hit-or-miss, and this was a miss at the level of accidentally giving your niece smallpox. Yeah, and then she infects her friends and we have a world-wide epidemic, you shouldn't have gone into that lab. Really though, I think DC wants it so that they can pump out books with non-white characters, and then when those books happen to not be given the best talent because they are expected to do subpar numbers, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and DC has an excuse to cancel the books. Then DC's Editor-In-Chief Dan Didio can clamber up the stage and bellow about how, "See? People don't want to read about minorities, so quit bitching about the lack of black folks in our comics and suck down more of this Green Lantern merchandise we weren't able to sell when the movie bombed." Also Didio is naked when this announcement happens, because that is how he rolls. Yeah, this comic looked okay but the story was mostly miserable.
1.5 out of 5 stars.

Uncanny X-Force #14
This was good. Rick Remender writes it well and Jerome Opena returns to the series to provide some stellar art. I've got nothing bad to say, actually.
4.5 out of 5 stars.

Justice League International #1
This was fine, but it was just trying too hard. It was like when you're on that first date and you really want to impress the girl or guy, so you keep trying to say jokes that aren't even that clever, or tell stories that make you look cool. Yeah, this comic is that first date. It's a new experience and kind of fun, but also a little painful and groan-worthy at times. Also, the comic really makes it clear the British super-hero lady is to put this delicately...sexually active individual. She comments about the various male members of the team and kind of comes off looking, well, easy. She's pretty one-dimensonal in that sense. Then again all the characters are. Batman is mysterious, Guy Gardner is hot-headed, Rocket Red is Russian and is adorable in that Yakov Smirnoff sort of way, etc. etc. Even a mirror has more dimensions...I think. Still, this comic didn't render me a drooling invalid, and it had some fun moments, so I'll give it credit as above-average. I'd ask it out on a second date, to go with our earlier metaphor which has been stretched ever-so-thin.
3 out of 5 stars.

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