Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Rant-Reviews--Heroes, Failing.

In four out of these five comics the heroes are currently losing/failing miserably at whatever goal they are attempting to fulfill. In only one comic do they win and that is because it is the last issue of a mini-series--and that mini-series was at one point made an ongoing before being downgraded back to a mini-series, so they kind of already lost as hard as possible.

The Twelve #9
Holy crab-apples, this mofo actually came out? How many years late is this thing now? Well, I was enjoying the comic and someone who we saw die at the end of the first issue in a flash-forward finally bites it in this one, so that's progress, I suppose. Still, it took so long for this to come out I'm kind of just beyond caring too much even if I was really liking the tale--when it originally was being released, in 2008. However, it is nice to see something by Straczynski actually maybe come to a finish and/or not be terrible. I remember when he did good work like Supreme Power. I miss that Straczynksi. Plus, Chris Weston always provides killer art. Enjoyable enough.
3.5 out of 5 stars.

Glory #23
The first issue of the re-launch of Rob Liefeld concepts where the interesting idea to get writers and artists completely unlike Liefeld to tell his stories strangely continues to pay off (as with Prophet, which I plan to review later on). Here we get a more extreme version of Wonder Woman that I had never read about before, a person with strange dreams, interesting flashbacks, nice art from the author of "Wet Moon", Ross Campbell, and things turn out to make a really good comic. Apparently when you take Liefeld, erase everything except the most faintest of his presence, and let people loose with it, you get some good stuff. As for the failing in this issue? Great last page reveal, that's all I will say.
4.5 out of 5 stars.

Justice League #5
Jim Lee's monsters look nice, I can give the comic that. Um, and there is a nice moment between Batman and the Green Lantern even if it feels pretty tacked-on. Also, it is cool how the bad guy, Darkseid, just does his damage and doesn't talk. I find it annoying when bad guys monologue endlessly instead of actually enacting their evil plan. Besides that though, not much else I'm really too big on here. This comic has been slow to develop an actual plot, the characters have been coming off as somewhat one-dimensional, and I'm just bored. It's sort of like the most indulgent comics of the 1990s where writers and artists got to engage in their masturbatory fantasies of drawing super-handsome and muscular men and pretty ladies who looked impossibly perfect while writing them as cardboard cutouts with one particular personality trait and patting themselves on the back with their free hand as they felt somehow what they were doing was genius by taking a story you could tell in one issue and stretching it out over six.

I read this and I just hear, "Wonder Woman likes to fight" "Batman doesn't trust the super-folk," "Green Lantern is cocky," "Look at their cool armor-like outfits," and mainly, "Buy 5 issues of this comic and bag up 3 in hopes they rise in value even though so many copies are sold you'll find it in a dollar bin in a few months!" Geoff Johns can write better than this, and Jim Lee has done better art even though he is pretty much known for a style that people think of when they think 1990s comics (well, he and Rob Liefeld, but that is more-so a painful memory for many folk). If this is the comic people are supposed to read from DC to get interested in reading comics again then hoo boy do we have some problems. Oh, who loses in this issue? Well, all the heroes get beat up, but I'd say the biggest loser is the reader.
1.5 out of 5 stars.

Alpha Flight #8
Poor, poor, Alpha Flight. Yes, technically they win the battle against their foe in this issue, but considering how at one point this was going to be an ongoing before it was made a mini-series again after a joyous announcement...well, Alpha Flight pretty much lost as badly as any comic can--through cancellation. True, one of the writers (Fred Van Lente) and the artist can write their happy little essays in the back saying how they are pleased they told a complete tale and its all okay, but I can taste their salty tears that mixed with the ink of the comic. You may ask why I'm licking my comic, and I refuse to answer that question. All that aside, this issue does feel a bit rushed too so I'm kind of let down overall. It still was pretty good though.
3 out of 5 stars.

Ultimate Comics X-Men #7
An issue all about the Ultimate Universe version of Quicksilver, whom was one of my favorite aspects of this re-launched title being written by the sometimes-great sometimes-pretty-bad Nick Spencer. This issue has a whole lot of death and blood as Quicksilver's plan  (whatever it was, I still don't understand) fails and results in thousands of mutants being slaughtered. The fact that the end of this issue is so much like the conclusion of issue #6 but with a different person maybe-possibly being back from the dead or just in our hero's mind is annoying. I wanted to like this more than I did. Sort of like hearing about a girl who sounds wonderful but then you actually go on the date and she turns out to be more unpleasant than gangrene.
2.5 out of 5 stars.

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